How Getting Teased Builds Success With Women

It’s Sunday of the Authentic Man Program Course. We’ve got 12 participants going through one of the most intense, transformational experiences of their lives and here is the leadership team on lunch break at our favorite Indian restaurant near our buildin

If you were a fly on the wall maybe you’d expect to hear us talking about personal transformation, male/female dynamics, or course logistics. Here’s a snippet of a common interaction:

Ray: “Don’t get that masala too close to Bryan’s face, that thing is like a magnet.”

(I’m the messy eater of the group)

Bryan: “I think it would look better on Garrison’s shirt anyway.”

(Garrison is working on letting go of always trying to “look good”)

Garrison: “If this was your shirt there would already be masala on it.”

(That may actually be true)

Decker: “Uh oh, Paul you’re making the ‘left out’ face again. Maybe you should go sit at that table over there.”

(Paul’s edges are feeling excluded and like there’s something wrong with him)

Paul: “I feel better about myself here, and since, as you know, lives are on the line, I need to be where I can help out.”

(Decker is working to ease up around injecting “life-or-death” significance into everything)

Garrison: “Here’s the check–wait, who ordered the ‘whine’? Was that you, Ray?”

(Ray is learning to ask for help instead of keeping it in and later on whining because he didn’t get support)

Decker: Ten bucks says Bryan forgot his wallet again.

(Oh yeah… I’m kinda forgetful too.)

And so on…

Truth is these guys are some of the most powerful, solid, intelligent, committed leaders

I know. We have an enormous amount of respect and appreciation for each other, and yet in the midst of such intense work where we are bringing our deepest selves in service of the guys taking AMP… we tease each other mercilessly.

Basically we enjoy poking fun at the places where we tend to ‘close down’ or take things personally. Now why in the world would we do that? Are we just being obnoxious insensitive, jerks to each other?

Not at all. We’re actually supporting each other. We enjoy poking fun at the unconscious behaviors that limit our connection with others.

There’s something about having fun with each other in a masculine, good-natured, loving way that is a powerful part of men’s culture.

How Can Making Fun of Each Other Be A Good Thing?

Because when we can have humor about something that triggers us, and can laugh with our friends about what they are poking at, it has less of a GRIP on us.

The places we would normally feel ASHAMED of start to BURN AWAY. Like steel that’s had its impurities eliminated by fire, we have our insecurities and shame purged by being “ragged” on by our guy friends.

When we no longer “get a rise” out of each other around that issue it’s because we’ve relaxed into it enough that we just aren’t triggered by it anymore. And … because we’re good men, we’ll look for something else to get a rise out of each other!

It’s a great practice in learning to accept ourselves–which makes it easier to accept others as well.

So, How Does This Relate To Women?

The more we can learn to accept & laugh at ourselves and take ourselves less seriously, the better off we are when relating with women, who, as we know, are like heat-seeking missiles for the places where we’re not whole and complete in ourselves.

Women will consciously (or unconsciously) test and poke for the places where you’re not solid, where you’ll posture or collapse into being apologetic, defensive, angry, self-righteous, etc…

By being able to laugh at yourself, you’ll be able to openly WELCOME whatever a woman says or does without being triggered by it or reacting compulsively, and you’ll be infinitely more capable of creating the kind of sizzling attraction and erotic, profound connections that make life so rewarding.

Now, There’s A World of Difference…

between being made fun of by guys who just want to put you down as an attempt to feel better about themselves VS REAL friends who know, respect, love and appreciate you. If you don’t have the 2nd group of guys in your life (and most men don’t) then one of the biggest differences you can make in your life in regard to more success with women is to get some solid guy friends.

When we can actually have fun with our own little hang-ups it creates much more ease and freedom in our lives… and yes, women notice.

Leave a Reply