Sexual Tension – What It Is and How To Use It

Hey Guys, Some thoughts on sexual tension – what it is to me and how to use it. Enjoy.

Sexual tension is the feeling created when two people mutually desire to escalate beyond self-percieved standards of what is ‘socially proper’. ‘Socially proper’ escalation standards are defined both internally (our ideals, usually instilled in us by our parents/friends/bible…) and externally (can’t shag in a restaurant, with people watching, ect). It can be as de-escalated as both sides feeling they can’t/shouldn’t flirt (perhaps because they work together), or as escalated as both sides doing everything but having sex though they want to (perhaps she’s on her period). Lets take an example…Suppose you and a girl at church are attracted to eachother. Sitting in the pews on a crowded sunday you brush your knuckle against her outer-thigh, you both know you can’t escalate further even though you’d like to (definately not socially-proper giver where you are). Result: Crazy build-up of sexual tension. So then – if that’s what sexual tension IS, lets talk about how we can use it. Think of sexual tension like a rubber band being pulled by two sides (ideas about what is socially proper, and a mutual desire to escalate). If the tension increases to a certain point, the rubber band will snap and fly in off one of two directions – one direction being triggering ASD, the other direction being a BJ in the bathroom When trying to bed a girl, we can do 1 of two things… 1.) We calibrate our pace and manner of escalation in such a way that that the constraints of what is ‘socially proper’ do not arise, rather you recognize them before they become an issue and you work around them… The ‘rubber band’ is at ease – we call this being ‘smooth’. or 2.) You yank the fucking rubber band so hard that it’s certain to fly in the direction you want – in other words, you and the girl mutually agree (spoken or unspoken) to smash through ‘social standards’ and say “fuck what people think, lets do what feels good.” Both methods have a time and a place – the first method however does not really have much sexual tension involved, so we’ll focus on the 2nd. So then, the idea is that rather than trying to hide from it – you embrace what is taboo and indulge in your primal urges. How can we facilitate this? How can we “yank the shit out of the rubber-band”? Well, my favorate way of doing this is by creating a false social restriction then smashing through it. So for instance, suppose I guage that the girl has no qualms about kissing on day1, but doesn’t think it’s ok to give a bj on day1. I’ll create a false social restriction about kissing…let the tension build (we both want to kiss eachother but can’t)…then ‘yank the band’/snap the tension by saying ‘fuck it’ and kissing her passionately. More explicitly, this looks like… When I can tell she’s near ready to be kissed, I’ll whisper something in her ear like “man oh man…i so want to kiss you right now…but not with your friends watching.” A few minutes later I may grab her by her arse, pull her against me, and whisper to her “this is driving me crazy, I really want to kiss you but kissing in a bar is poor form”. From here there’s crazy high sexual tension so she’ll either agree with what I’ve said or if she’s bold she’ll say “who cares”. Either way, I’ll kiss her HARD, then look at her devilishly, knowing we saw the line and crossed it anyway… And from here on out – we’re already over the line, so we may as well keep going and see where it leads In short, the model is (assuming she’s already attracted and compliant with your escalation)…

1.) Create social constraints impending relatively minor escalation (or acknowledge already existing constraints) – (thus sexual tension is built)

2.) Blatently cross the minor social constraints (easy enough…you created them in the first place!)

3.) Since you’re already over the line, you may as well venture further. The sky is the limit. Cheers,


  1. Greag July 27, 2011
    • jane August 19, 2012

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