Let’s talk a little bit about body language and how it relates to your attitude and confidence. We all know that people communicate with each other on multiple levels. But did you know that spoken words is just 7% of what we communicate?
The majority of communication is done with vocal tones, vocal pitch, movement, body language and gestures. All of these things and more make up our composite body language expressions, such as: Facial expressions, voice intonation, speed of speech , how you walk, the way you carry yourself through the world, having eye contact, how fast you move, and even our breathing.
You may ask why body language is so important. First, because it is how we sub-communicate with others. This sub-communication is even more important that ever before, because society has created a link between our actions and how people feel. For example, when you are in room and you feel really nervous, everyone in the room will pick up that you are nervous by your actions, tonality, and speed of your movements. Such things are very obvious, especially to children who are not preoccupied with speech as much as many adults. You can see when somebody is sad, happy, excited, honest, or angry. Look at somebody who rapidly moves his foot up and down. This guy probably can’t look anybody in the eyes and is sub-communicating that he is insecure. Somebody who is hunched over, with her feet together, is subconsciously trying to not be noticed at all.
We can find wealth of information about other people by their body language. In terms of seduction, we learn to read what females are saying on a deeper level. An outgoing woman will do the exact same to you, she could tell you a zillion things that you are projecting, just by your image. Let me quote my girlfriend here: “I can see if a guy is good in bed, just by the way he walks.” That is so true. They can tell everything about you, just by the way you look. It comes from all those years of experience of guys hitting on them.
If you go out dressed like you do not care about your image at all, you probably don’t care, and women will notice this. On the other hand, if you go out dressed as a socially cool guy, you probably are a pretty damn smooth dude. As for the woman, this process of screening by looks and body language is a self-defense mechanism. She really doesn’t want to hook up with some low self-esteem loser, or some boring guy who doesn’t know how to give her some fun in her life. So they screen you and try to find out as many things about you as possible in a very short period of time.
Imagine, if you are a HOT girl, would you give 30 minutes of your time to each boring geek that hit on you?? No, you would give him 30 seconds and then the “F#*& off” line.
This is because she already knows that he is a boring, lame-ass guy. But what if some super-ultra confident guy, who is well dressed, comes into a room, walks slowly towards a hot girl with a smile on his face, and starts a conversation with a girl? Would she reject him??
Exactly. She would not.
Now let me ask you who the really confident men in our society are, the ones with an attitude larger then life. Who are they?? Rockstars, company directors, successful managers, doctors, politicians…. etc.
Take a look at how they walk, how they sit, how they speak, and you’ll notice something really interesting. They are totally calm, like they control TIME. They are not in hurry. The way they move and how they speak completely radiates with super-confidence.
Let’s take a look at what the most common mistakes are when somebody tries to pick up a girl:
- Talking too fast (being nervous)
- Talking too much (trying to impress her)
- Not knowing what to say next (not enough practice)
- Drinking (to become comfortable)
- Asking too many questions (you create rapport too soon, but she doesn’t want your rapport unless you have attracted her first)
- Body language wrong (hands connected, feet too close, shoulders down, leaning in)
- Buying her drinks (trying to buy her over, or even worse, trying to get her drunk)
- Not being comfortable talking with strangers (social anxiety)
Does any of this radiate with any confidence??? Hell no!! Take a look and see that every action here projects INSECURITY!!
Ok, let’s correct this poor body language together. Here is list of things that you must FIX…
- Keep your hands out of your pockets.
- Stand with you feet wider apart.
- Never look down when you walk, look above th horizon
- Stand with your chest pushed outwards
- Keep your shoulders relaxed and back
- Walk confidently and slowly with bigger steps
- Take up lots of space, no matter where you are
- Pay attention to how you dress
- Always lean back.
- Touch people when you talk with them (non-sexual), because you must create conversation on all levels, not just verbal. (Later she is going to be used to your touch, and that is perfect for the pre-sex stage!)
- All your body language should be comparable in speed. For instance, moving with confidence is good, but it looks incongruent if you talk fast at the same time.
One more really important thing my friend would tell you, “Pick-Up doesn’t start when you approach her, it starts when you WAKE UP in morning!” and that’s so true!
Let’s move on to the subject of attraction:
In order to attract a woman, you must first understand why and how they think. Why the state of attraction exists, and how it happens.
The easiest way to understand and explain this is through something known as ‘Switches theory’. You know those on/off switches you have in your house for electricity? Now imagine you have 15 of them in one box. That’s an analogy for how our minds work. Women have switches such as “Is he attractive?, is he good at sex?” on or off.
Every girl out there has a different set of switches, because it really depends on their culture, their childhood, their beliefs and their age, plus a few other minor things. However, there are some common switches you must turn ON to all girls out there.
You must be:
- Not needy
- A good lover
- Capable of building strong rapport
Now, those switches can be either ON or OFF. There is no value in-between… for geeks, it’s all off.
What happens when you switch on most of those switches?? Wow… she starts to be interested in you… actually… she starts to show IOIs (indication of interest). This reaction is totally normal. When she meets a guy who is funny, good looking, interesting, romantic, and not needy, she becomes interested in getting to know him better (read: sleeping with him).
Switching on these switches is what demonstrates personality to a woman. You can tell stories where you were romantic. You can hook her with interesting snippets of your life and make her ask you questions where you get to reveal your romantic side. It doesn’t matter, as long as the you flip the romantic switch to the ON position. Every story or routine you have in your arsenal is saying something to her (flipping switches.) When designing routines and stories, you need to first take a look at what you want to convey to her.
The easiest way to switch On lot of switches is through good body language, behavior, and a sense of style.
Lets take a look at me for example. If you’ve never seen the way I look, take a look at my webpage photo here…
Okay, let’s analyze this together… what do you think about this guy just from this photo? Here is what others have said:
- He has a lot of confidence
- He looks like some badboy or a really adventurous guy
- Good looking (average)
- He is drinking expensive cocktails, so he probably has some money…
- Sex must be amazing with him
- He is alpha, he doesn’t worry what others think.
- He doesn’t look like some predictable guy…
- Not so needy
Ok, guys, you get my point… I switched On like 10 switches just by the way I look and behave. There are also switches I haven’t flipped yet:
I don’t have trust, rapport, I am not romantic, interesting… and that’s it fellas!!!!
That means 5 stories for 5 more switches. That’s like 5 X 5 minutes = 25 minutes to get a girl.
Of course you can convey all those things through conversation, and that’s fine. But it will take 10X longer! This is the way it works for me, and I am happy.