Having taught seminars and workshops for over a year, and reached the level of Master Instructor (there are three levels of MM instructors), I’ve seen literally hundreds of guys learn and develop their game.
It’s a lot of fun, but part of the fun is in helping people. And a lot of people have the same sorts of issues, regarding body language, tonality, social intuition, pacing, etc.
Another big issue is Opening. This is kind of puzzling, since even some guys who are good at building attraction or creating comfort have flaws in their opening.
It’s like trying to drive a car without being able to unlock the door. Don’t worry about ho the transmission works until you can unlock the car door and get inside. Even newbies should be able to successfully 99% of the time. It’s not even something you should be thinking about anymore. I’m not here to push the Mystery Method workshops, but, drawing on my experience with them, pretty much everyone is able to open successfully in most sets after just the first night. So that tells me that a couple hours of concentrated instruction and practice should be able to get you there.
Before we go any further, we need one quick definition. A “successful” opening is one where you can approach a stranger or group of strangers and initiate the conversation in such a way that they are content to have you stay and talk further. It takes 3-30 seconds.
Anyway, here are a couple of quick thoughts about some common problems and solutions I’ve seen:
- They don’t know what to say.
- They don’t know where to stand to not creep out the girl or the group
- They don’t know what to do after the opener
THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY
This issue is the most easily solved. Everyone who is serious about the game needs at least one default opener. This applies if you are going direct, indirect or some amalgamation of the two. A default opener is absolutely crucial – it’s something that you always have on the tip of your tongue and that you can use unless there is a specific reason why you’d want to use a different one. Imagine that, right now, the woman of your dreams is in front of you, looking at you expectantly. What would your opener be? If the answer to that isn’t obvious, isn’t instinctive, and isn’t purely reactive, then here’s your first opportunity to improve your game, right now.
Openers range from simple to complex. Some of my favorites include Style’s jealous GF opener, Will’s “You are so…” opener, and Mystery’s “I hate you” opener (use only on 9s and 10s). However, you can also keep it very simple. Try this one:
“Did you guys see the fight outside?”
Remember – all an opener does is initiate the chat. There is no “sure fire get laid” opener (and, if there is, email it to me ). All your opener needs to do is get you started in a conversation with a girl or a group. So pick one today and solve this first problem.
Before we go onto #2, let’s take a quick detour into situational openers. A situational opener is based around something specific going on at the time. Like “it’s hot in here” or “what is that green drink he’s making”. They can be good (though these ones aren’t), but most often they suck. If there is something that immediately stands out to you about the girl or situation, ignore it. Why? Because it’s also occurred to the last 5 guys who approached her, and they’ve said it before you did. So, if you’re going to go situational, make sure it’s not something obvious.
THEY DON’T KNOW WHERE TO STAND TO NOT CREEP OUT THE GIRL OR THE GROUP
When opening, it is crucial to be aware of personal space. When you are approaching a stranger or group of strangers it can be easy to get too close and activate their “fight or flight” reflex.
Have you ever gotten into an argument where you and another person were up in each other’s faces, ready to throw down? Do you remember that “butterflies in the chest” feeling where you weren’t sure if you wanted to punch the guy or get the hell out of there? Women get a similar feeling when approached by men whom they don’t know. If you approach straight on (as opposed to at an angle…it is better to approach at an angle of course, but sometimes this is unavoidable), make sure you stay far enough back that you don’t trigger this response.
Of course, it is preferable to approach at an angle, over the shoulder, and with your body language turned away. This allows us to get much closer without activating the response. Also, try opening while walking by the girl or group – the very fact that it initially looks like you’re about to leave will help reduce her feelings of discomfort.
However, make sure you eventually turn and face her or them! Don’t be one minute into the conversation, and still talking over your shoulder. That looks weird.
THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO AFTER THE OPENER
Some of the most interesting situations arise when a bootcamp student starts to “get it” during the first night and is able to open seamlessly and consistently. Some of them think they’ve then won the grand prize. I always feel badly if I have to tell them that all they’ve done is figured out the first – and easiest – of the nine phases of the Mystery Method. Like I said above, successfully opening is like successfully unlocking the car door. It’s necessary, but then you have to get in the car and drive. But after a few dozen successful openers, you won’t even think about it anyway, the same way you don’t even think about unlocking your car door. (The analogy holds for other phases of the Mystery Method too…I’m generally on autopilot until about 10 minutes into the set, when I have to shift from attraction to comfort.
The biggest thing to remember is to keep talking after the opener, and JUMP TO A NEW THREAD. Openers are great for starting conversations, but terrible for building attraction. As soon as you have opened successfully, start talking about something that will get her interested in you. Don’t stand there like a dummy unlocking the car door all day. Get in the damn thing and drive!
In the beginning you are going to have to do most of the talking. While you are leading the conversation, you may start to see IOIs ( Indicators of Interest) from the girl/s. These can be as simple as them investing energy in the conversation or asking you questions. And now we’re in a whole new topic….
That’s it for now. Feedback welcome.