Strengthen the connection

You’ve established that she likes you (alot!). You’ve established that you like her (you think… she’s a bit of a brat, but yeah, she’s cool). It’d be rude not to get to know each other! That’s just what happens when two people like each other…

Only now is it safe to flick these attraction switches:1) Safety and Trust2) Stability3) Ambition

Flicking 1 and 2 in the ATTRACT phase is a sure way to defuse any future attraction. Flicking 3 too soon will either make you seem like a nut or over-qualify you. However, for anything more than a one night stand, it’s pretty important that the girl is at least a little comfortable with you in these ways.

You can relax a little in this stage. She’s locked into you, she won’t want to leave you. If you have to part, a contact-close is expected. This is the ideal time for a venue change – it makes sense that you’d go somewhere more comfortable to talk.


The threads are Physical, Emotional, Logical, Social, Creative. In each of these areas you should demonstrate uniqueness and experience.

These threads probably apply in the ATTRACT and QUALIFY phases too, but the distinction is less important. To build a deeper connection with a girl you must nurture them all. You can build a FB relationship based only on the Physical and perhaps the Social. Some girls will happily be your girlfriend for years with only a couple of threads connected.

Step-by-step, you should become more and more comfortable with each other in each of these threads. If things seem to go too fast, take a step back, concentrate on another thread for a while. This is pivotal to overcoming LMR.

PHYSICAL – You should view getting laid as building a gradual connection, from slow dancing, hand-holding, to kissing, heavy-petting, and finally to penetration in a variety of orifices. With this perspective, questions like “when should I kiss her” become irrelevant.

EMOTIONAL – Communicate that you care about her feelings, and allow her to care about yours. Unload all those RJ patterns on her and take her on that emotional journey. Even negative emotions are ok. Stories about getting lost on the beach as a child, how you felt during your first magic show, that sort of thing.

LOGICAL (INTELLECTUAL) – Stimulate her with jokes, interesting discussions about whatever comes up, even religion, politics is ok.Smart girls like guys who make them think differently about stuff. It’s not about being her intellectual equal or better, just about having a different point of view.

SOCIAL – Some girls are all about the social. It’s important for her to believe that you understand her social scene, and for her to gain something socially from being with you, or at least think she is (note, this could be as simple as winding up her parents because she’s with someone they view as socially INcompatible). Most girls view the celebrity scene or soap operas as an extension of their own social scene. This doesn’t mean revising from Hello magazine, but if it’s on their coffee table, pick it up and wind her up with perceptive comments. This connection is built through long discussions about travelling, education, friendship groups,

CREATIVE – Show that you are imaginative and original with shit like the Cube, conversations about the Arts and music, even films and television. Having tastes in these things in common drives some girls crazy – go figure.

There are various stages to building each connection that I will detail in a later post. Roughly, these are:

Intrigue and Mystery – You’ve demonstrated a bit of depth in this thread, and she’s interested to find out exactly how clever you are… whether your novel is any good… whether you can really give her an all-over body orgasm.

Exploration – Communication between you is good, and you spend hours talking on all of these threads, discovering commonalities and differences of experience between you.

Connection – In a longer term relationship, you start to rely on each other to satisfy the needs associated with these threads. This can go sour and lead to co-dependence, but when enough threads are satisfied elsewhere you will find yourself in a healthy relationship.

One Response

  1. Craig October 24, 2012

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