An Example of Social Intelligence

RHETORICAL SEQUENCING

(This is Social Intelligence Part 2, click for Social Intelligence Part 1)

People, when talking, use weird (when you think about it) rhetorical sequencing. Here is an example:

A guy is excited that he got a cheap deal on a coat.

GOOD VIBING:

GUY: You’ll never guess how much I got this coat for.

FRIEND: Wow.. Umm, 200$.

GUY: No man. 45$

FRIEND: Wow.. Nice man.

BAD VIBING:

GUY: You’ll never guess how much I got this coat for.

FRIEND: Oh you got a deal. I guess 30$ then.

GUY: Umm, actually 45$

FRIEND: Oh.. well that’s not bad.

Why That is Bad Social Intelligence

Notice that the friend TELEGRAPHED SUBCOMMUNICATIONS of INSECURITY.

His thought process was: “I’ll show GUY that I’m smart. I’m clever enough to pickup on the fact that if he said “You’ll never guess what I paid”, that he got a deal. Then I’ll have shown him that I passed his test.”

His INSECURITY caused him to miss out on the social vibing, which was intended to build excitement and wasn’t a test at all.

The secure guy, although realizing that the coat was really cheap, would still guess something lower end, but still high enough that if the guy’s deal wasn’t as great as he thought, he’ll still feel good. After all, its bought, so why worry about that stuff (UNLESS you seriously could hookup a massively cheaper deal and return the coat (which the socially intelligent guy would ascertain before even suggesting it), in which case the happiness derived from that would outweigh actually telling the guy that he didn’t get the best deal).

ANOTHER EXAMPLE:

GOOD VIBING:

HB: I just got this crazy shirt. Look at it.

PUA: Wow.. Cute!

BAD VIBING:

HB: I jsut got tihs crazy shirt. Look at it.

PUA: Cool.. Hey you know in L.A. that shirt would be nothing. I should bring you there sometime.

ANOTHER EXAMPLE:

GOOD VIBING:

(Friend1 drives to Toronto for the first time with Friend2)

FRIEND1: Wow man, look at that building.. That rocks..

FRIEND2: Whoa.. That’s pretty big dude.

BAD VIBING:

FRIEND1: Wow man, look at that building.. That rocks..

FRIEND2: Dude, that’s cool.. But man, you should see NYC. Man, NYC KILLS this place.

Good Social Intelligence = Sophisticated Social Dynamics

Again, with these examples, the person who is not vibing right does not get something: The purpose of the initial comment was NOT to ACTUALLY debate it. It was to SOCIALLY VIBE. The content was not the REAL communication. It was a surface for SUBCOMMUNICATION, which INTENDED to say “Let’s have a nice time, and have rapport with eachother and relax.”

The insecure and socially unintelligent person is taking the sentences of the first person, and FIELDING them as OPPORTUNITIES TO QUALIFY HIMSELF.

If this stuff doesn’t make sense to you yet, just keep reading and eventually it will sink it. This stuff is all advanced and sophisticated social dynamics. It’s not supposed to be easy. It’s supposed to be life-changing one you’ve worked out. It’s taken me years to get where I am, but that’s cool because it’s be worth it for the journey.

Social Intelligence Articles by Tyler Durden:

Social Intelligence and Vibing

An Example of Social Intelligence

Hierarchies and Social Intelligence

How to Get a Good Vibe Going

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