We all get our moment in the sun at some point.
You’ll notice, that when you are holding court, that sometimes people will be insecure with that.
The secure guy will recognize when its someone’s turn to hold court, and not fight it.
A person who is secure will talk to ADD EMPHASIS to a point. He will not DISPUTE a point while someone is holding court. He knows that he’ll have his chance LATER, and that right now someone is trying to get a point across.
Guys who are insecure will constantly dispute points whenever they see the opening. They view is at an opportunity to demonstrate their value.
They CANNOT RESIST the temptation.
For an example that everyone reading this can recoginze, look to this chatboard. Something tight will get posted. Insecure posters will nightpick semantics. Like “While this is important, its maybe an 8 out of 10 level importance. Not a 10 like you said.” The secure poster, if he finds the level of emphasis on a level where its honestly misinformative, might post “I think that x,y,z are really good, man. I think that you might consider less emphasis on it though, because a,b,c are important as well. Good post though man, I like x,y,z”
ANOTHER feature you’ll see on this board, and that is in the same vein, are
THROWING LITTLE NEGS or TRYING TO COME OFF AUTHORITATIVE WHEN ITS NOT YOUR PLACE.
For example, you’ll see guys trying to get rapport with someone they don’t know by throwing little negs.
OLD FRIEND 1: Hey Stevo, you fucking bastard.. C’mere gimme a hug
NEW ACQUAINTANCE: C’mere you fucker, help me out.
The second is BAD vibing, because he is trying to FORCE rapport with subcommunication that is only appropriate of old friends.
Similarly, you’ll see guys who try to come off authoritative. You’ll see it on the board, where a guy will post something quality, and someone who doesn’t like him will post “That’s very quality material. Good that you posted something of quality”. It’s like he’s trying to come off authoritative. Like he realizes that he’s negged on the guy on the chatboard, and he feels insecure that the guy he negged produced something worthwhile. So he has to come in and be all authoritative, like “I can show everyone that I recognize a good post”. Guys in real life will see someone who they publically disliked starting to improve himself, and say things like “Good that you’re improving. KEEP IT UP.” By this, they are trying to CONTROL what is happening. They are trying to say “Improve, because I, the AUTHORITY, approved.”
More on this… If you’ve ever ever ran a very good presentation at work or school, and you see an insecure person come up to you and criticize.
They don’t realize its YOUR TURN TO HOLD COURT. Their turn is LATER.
So they throw little negs at you. Like they always have to offer advice on how you could have improved it. They can’t just say “Good job man”.
Or they have to nit-pick subtleties. Like they can’t say “That was awesome”.
They have to first go over their advise on where you fucked up.
For a real life example that most guys on this board can recognize, when you meet up with another guy from the scene through PAIR, if he’s insecure he’ll do the following:
1- Talk about game non-stop, rather than PLAY.
2- Watch you do a set, and CRITICIZE on what could be improved, rather than encourage.
3- You tell him about something that happened, and he gives you ADVICE, rather than just listening.
Social Intelligence Articles by Tyler Durden: