If you look in a book shop, you’ll find plenty of books on confidence. Lots of people read them, but when it comes to it, how many people are actually perceived as confident by women in a pick up situation? Let’s take that perspective. We all know that women want a confident guy.
That wasn’t much help to me when I was growing up, I knew what they wanted but didn’t know how to give it to them. It needed it to be broken down in a little more detail. That’s what I’m going to do right now. We are going to look at this from the perspective of an attractive woman in a bar or night club.
She’s looking around the room and she is making a judgement of whether the guys look confident or not. Who is she drawn to? Guys with good body language could be one answer. Guys who are attractive could be another. A better answer is: Guys who look confident. What determines if a guy looks confident in a night club. It’s very easy…he looks COMFORTABLE. That is why the first C of Confidence is….
Comfort in the EnvironmentIt is impossible to look confident if you are uncomfortable and it is impossible to look unconfident if you are comfortable. Therefore there is 100% overlap
Examples: It is impossible to look confident if you are uncomfortable and it is impossible to look unconfident if you are comfortable. Therefore there is 100% overlap. The barman, DJ, and bouncers and known to do very well with women. They are the most comfortable guys in the place because they are there every night and the environment can’t phase them anymore.
Let’s get something clear – the barmen are not high status guys. The other guys in the club could be millionaire business men wearing $10,000 suits and buying bottles of Crystal. The barmen earn very low wages, and are not successful high status guys in any way. It’s purely that they look comfortable. There is no other secret to it.
How to get there: The pick up environment where you will normally show a lack of confidence at first glance is the club. People don’t often feel nervous when they are walking down the street or shopping. However, in a club, the pressure is so much more intense, and this is even more of a problem with high-end venues. What we need to do in this case is simple de-sensitisation. Pick a club and a day of the week and go there.
Go with friends or on your own. Your mission is not to talk to anyone or do any gaming, but purely to become comfortable in the environment. Learn the layout, start to see familiar faces, you can even have some casual conversations with staff or people that are close by. The key thing to do is to get comfortable and start treating the place like you do your own house.
Sit or stand comfortably in a low-energy, chilled-out way or genuinely enjoy the music and move around without caring what others think or being too much “in your head”. Those are the only two modes of behaviour in the club. Nothing in between will look comfortable.
If you are trying to look like you enjoy the music by tapping a foot out of rhythm or nodding your head because you think you should you won’t look right When you first go out, be very observant, notice the guys that look comfortable and the ones that don’t.
See things from the woman’s point of view.By removing the pressure of the need to pick up or talk to women, you can start to enjoy the environment and create positive associations with it, rather than viewing it as a high-pressure place where you MUST game. Now that you have the first C of confidence, we can move on to the second…
Comfort Interacting with Beautiful WomenSo, she’s seen you and judged you as confident from a distance. As long as you don’t make any of the eye contact mistakes (breaking eye contact downwards or generally being uncomfortable with it), you’ll be fine all the way up to the actual approach.
How does she decide if you are still a confident man when you are actually talking to her? The next stage is appearing comfortable in conversation. Would a beautiful girl ever be attracted to a man who isn’t confident when he is interacting with her? How would this ever be attractive? Okay, well maybe in 2% of cases where she thinks you are “cute”. But 2% of cases isn’t any kind of game apart from the numbers game. So, you need to be comfortable talking to women.
Example: Guys that own model agencies, work in strip clubs, or manage a restaurant with hot waitresses get laid. One of the major reasons is that they are desensitised to interacting with beautiful women and so are comfortable around them.
Someone who has worked for a model agency for 2 years will not be shaking, sweating, breaking eye contact, or otherwise looking nervous and uncomfortable if he meets another beautiful woman. She will unconsciously or consciously know that her beauty doesn’t phase him and this will mean he isn’t viewed as a lower life form like the other guys that obviously are very affected by her looks.
How to get there: Go to places with a high concentration of very beautiful girls. Places like strip clubs, exclusive department stores, high-end clubs, and countries like Latvia. In these situations set an achievable goal which will be to open and leave.
Have your opener ready and your escape line ready (in the strip club this isn’t necessary since they open you). Desensitise yourself to their looks, get comfortable holding eye contact, keep your composure. Gain experience and realise they aren’t so different or difficult to talk to. What this will mean is that these women start seeing you as confident in the way you interact with them because you are comfortable which will greatly increase your chances of building attraction and closing them.
The third C…
Comfort in Your Own SkinSo, you look confident from a distance (and most guys don’t!), you seem confident when you are talking to her. So what does she do? She tests you out. She challenges you, shit tests you, and sees how you will react. She might ask you why you are wearing those shoes, or if you are a player, or why you don’t go to the gym. And the test to see if you are internally confident or comfortable in your own skin is how you react.
This should start to happen once she is somewhat committed to the interaction and wants to find out if you are the man for her. This kind of testing will continue and to measure up you will need to display various types of confidence including confidence physically escalating and sexual confidence.
Example: A guy who consistently gets with hot girls, and is comfortable with who he is will be un-reactive and unemotional in the face of tests. To get to this point you have to a bit of work. I have a theory that someone is shy because they are worried about exposing their weaknesses to others.
They are scared of being seen as ugly, having a silly voice, being poor, or whatever else. So they say less and do less so that they aren’t found out. Someone that is content will not be shy to put themselves out there and won’t react as much if you test him.
How to get there: To get to this point, perform the following exercise:Write down each of your weak points. The things about yourself that you are not happy with. Next to each, write an action you can take to help.
It might fix the issue 100% or maybe just 20%, but the act of improving your situation and even having a plan for improving your situation will immediately impact your confidence and self-esteem positively. Earlier on in my book, I talk about how I did this and I can say that it was a massive factor in me becoming the confident person I am today. Don’t get me wrong, I still have things that I’m not entirely satisfied with but they are much smaller and fewer than they used to be.