1. I tell her that she smells good and ask what she is wearing. Then I lean in, brush her hair aside, and sniff her slowly, moving up from the shoulder to the ear. “Mmmm, that smells good. People don’t pay enough attention to smell. But you’ll notice how animals, before they mate, will always smell each other. Evolution has hard-wired us to respond to certain things. You are wired to respond when someone smells you.”
2. “It’s like when someone pulls the back of your hair. You’ll notice how lions, when they mate, always bite and tug at the end of each other’s mane, right here.” (Since I’m shaved bald, I’ll add here, “This is what I miss the most about not having hair”; if you have hair, say, “This is one of my favorite things”.) Then I run my hand up the back of her neck and grab a fistfull of hair at the roots and pull it, downwards. She says “mmmm…” And I say “see.”
3. Then I talk about how “no one knows this, but the most sensitive places on the body are places that are usually hidden from contact with the air, like the back of the elbow (touching it) and knee (touching it). Any place where your body bends, twists, or folds, there are millions of sensitive little nerve endings that release endomorphins . Then I take her arm, bend it a little, and erotically bite the area on the opposite side of the elbow (that crease where it bends). She usually gets the chills, and I have her ratify how good it feels.
[NOTE FOR THE LESS EXPERIENCED: If you don’t know how to erotically bite a girl, learn before you do this. You want to take a big chunk of skin — not a little pinch! — and slowly and firmly slide your teeth together until they meet and release the skin. You may want to practice on your own elbow first. Or on Twentysix’s mom’s elbow–just call her and tell her you know where all of her missing bras went to.]
4. After, I say, “But do you know what the best thing in the world is?…A bite…right…here.” And I point to the side of my neck. (Every now and then, I’ll add, that “this has to do with the fact that it is where the jugular vein is most exposed, and since most sexual fantasies have to do with submission and vulnerability, it sends all the fantasy signals flying.”) Then I’ll expose my neck and say, “Bite me right here” as if I EXPECT her to do it. Fifty percent of the time she will. If she doesn’t, I just turn away calmly (punish), wait a few seconds, and then turn back and repeat, “Bite me right here.” Usually here she will.
5. Half the time, her bite is lame. If so, I correct her and say, “That’s not how you bite. Come here.” Then I give her a good bite on the neck and instruct her to “try again.” This time, she ALWAYS does a great job.
6. Now you look her in the eye, smile micheviously/approvingly, and say, very slowly, “not bad.” Then glance down at her mouth, back up at her eyes, and…yes…finally…you…may…if you want…and if she’s ready…um…kiss!