One of the most debated issues in the dating circles is the issue of routines. I am constantly asked this question as well, and I wanted to clear up some general misconceptions. This is a generally wildly misunderstood concept, and more importantly, many
This ends up hurting guys in attracting women in the long term.
It’s about the issue of ROUTINES. More specifically, it’s about using Routines to pick up women.
This repeated question rehashes old debates due to its vague nature. Before you can begin to argue about routines, you have to first define what you mean by this word.
Once upon a time, everyone seemed to have a canned script. Every single pickup in the “Seduction Community” followed a memorized speech for the most part. This was described by Neil Strauss in his book. It’d resemble something like this:
Opener-80s dogs, Best friends test, Xyz story, DHV, (or neg of your choice if that was your thing) Story # 2,
If you’re still unfamiliar with what I am describing, here is the deal:
Guys would memorize a script verbatim and repeat the same thing to every single girl they came across. (or every single group of women)
A guy would approach 10 girls in a bar and run the exact same script to each single girl.
Most of these routines were things guys read on the internet and started spewing off, and eventually, a lot of guys moved away from that. Attracting women is about attitude and subtext more so than text and conversational threads. Many of us quickly figured that out and started focusing on the subtext of the interaction.
What do you convey during your conversational threads? That is the key question. Thus, as some point, you stop caring about the topics and start focusing more on having a good time.
We have to draw a line as to what defines a routine. To me, routines are memorized canned scripts that you repeat over and over.
But then what about Personal Repetition of favorite gestures, stories, jokes, and mannerisms?
These are all things we develop which are personal to us. Now, you could label these routines but I do believe there must exist a distinction between personal stories and “Memorized Scripts read over the internet.”
Based on what we do, who we look like, our personalities, who we are, and our value filters, we all develop personal habits. It’s like if you hear the following often enough, “Hey!! Whoa! You know you look like Sylvester Stallone???” You are going to develop a few responses that will be repeated quite often when that situation presents itself.
Similarly, we all have certain facial gestures, smirks, and stories that are unique to us. We tend to repeat these because they are habits based on positive reinforcement. A lot of times, these stories are fueled by our beliefs and values. One of my friends has a rather poetic flowery-language style of talking to women. It resembles something out of a romance novel.
It sounds something along the lines of, “Her eyes glisten under the moonlight while cool wind glides on the surface of her skin.” Truth be told, I couldn’t even say that without having tears from laughing too hard. However, it works for him because it’s CONGRUENT with his persona.
A good friend of mine, Steve P, has spiritually driven beliefs and related anecdotes. He speaks with a commanding voice and is a great teacher, with a very “In your face” demeanor.
Both of these people their perspective preferred topics they enjoy talking about.
Are these routines? By a literal definition, perhaps they are, as they are repeated often enough. However, these really are their beliefs and this really is who they are.
The mistake a lot of guys make is that they “Borrow” other people’s conversational topics and behavior and try to repeat it verbatim as though it were their own. This normally backfires due to the incongruence. Some guy is saying the words but his personality and style does not match the conversational thread. Women can sense this incongruence very easily.
The reason these conversational topics work for these particular men is because the words match the persona of the person. Congruence in identity is far more vital than any actual words you can speak.
Back to our routines and examples:
I live in CA and some people might say we are arrogant about it. So let’s say I meet a girl from Detroit (which between us really is a dump), and I ask her where she is from. Upon hearing “Detroit”, there is a good chance my reply might be, “Oh! Really?? I am sorry.” with a smirk. (note: A lot of calibration plays into this. Certain personalities can’t handle this sort of humor so you stay away from it.)
So what happens? Well, if done right, this may get a playful punch in the arm, which I can take a number of ways. If she is offended by it, I have ways of doing a bit of backtracking to lighten her up. So the question becomes: Is this a routine?
It’s definitely repetition. I don’t ever approach any group of girls thinking this is my plan. If it happens, it happens. You sort of just feel the moment. These stories aren’t contrived in order to meet women. They are rather personal anecdotes that help convey personality.
I can tell you that I have heard my friend’s hilarious stories of his experience working as a bouncer on a few occasions. Another friend of mine has traveled all around the world and I have heard some of his stories repeated a few times, especially at social gatherings with women around. They weren’t ever part of a canned script but when the conversational topics arose, it was a given that they’d tell these stories.
I am pretty sure I’ll hear some of these same stories again. You’ll notice that a lot of guys who are good story tellers repeat the same stories over and over again. It’s not part of a contrived plan. They enjoy telling these stories and people usually like hearing them. Sometimes, people even ask for them. “Hey man, tell that story again about that one time where you got lost and peed on a cop car, and they chased you down…” (By the way, I just made that story up.)
The important thing to remember is that these stories can be considered your personal routines, but they are conveying your personality and represents events from your personal life.
Thus, you have to distinguish between someone’s personal life stories and personality-driven traits versus canned scripts read and memorized on Internet chat boards and forums.
As you go through this journey of becoming better and more comfortable in approaching women, you will find that you are developing your own nuances. This means you are developing you and your natural style that is specific to you. You’ll also find yourself telling a lot of stories from your personal life that are unique to your experiences.
Your style will be different than mine, and mine will be different than many of my friends. Why? Because we are all different people with different personalities.
Some of us are sarcastic, and smart asses. Some of us have a dry humor, Some of us are practical jokers, Some of us love very physical type of humor and so forth.
If you encourage your own natural approach, you will cultivate a natural style. This will always be congruent to who you are because it’s well rooted in your personal life stories.
This will in turn, help you ATTRACT And KEEP the women you find desirable. Your stories will convey your personality, and your experiences, and it will always be congruent.