A while back someone emailed me a great success story. I saved it on my computer and forgot about it. Last week I was going through my computer and found it.
I thought, “Wow! – this is a really great story,” and was planning on using it in my last newsletter. But, then, as I was reading through it, I thought to myself, “there is so much good stuff going on here, I could do a whole newsletter on it.” And that’s exactly what I’m doing. Enjoy!
“Hey Swinggcat! There once was a time when I would walk into a bar, look at all the beautiful women having fun with guys who were NOT me, and get depressed. So I’d start drinking, and that would only make me more depressed. Eventually I’d go home alone, hating the world, hating women, and most of all, hating myself for not even TRYING to have fun.
Bars and clubs can be an intimidating environment. Until recently, it wasn’t in my reality to believe that I could actually make out with a girl in either location. Sure, I’d seen guys do it before, but to think that *I* could was just beyond any logical reasoning my mind could grasp.
But in reading through Swinggcat’s book, there was a chapter that really stuck out at me. That was the chapter on FRAMES. As Swinggcat defines it, a frame determines the underlying meaning of behaviors and actions.
I’ve found this is a *key* concept in understanding any interaction with women.
When you enter a situation you may feel uncomfortable with, the natural inclination is to be overwhelmed by the FRAME your environment presents. If you allow this to happen, you effectively give up any control over your behaviors and actions. This is the worst possible thing you can do if you are hoping to meet the girl of your dreams. Controlling your FRAME, and setting the right FRAME, as opposed to adopting the FRAMES presented to you, is the most powerful tool there is in getting a woman.
Allow me to demonstrate what I mean.
I was recently in a very trendy club in Los Angeles. It was the kind with some low level celebrities, some incredibly beautiful women, some incredibly rich men, sexy go-go dancers swinging around on poles, trendy techno music, and tastefully pornographic movies projected on the walls. In short: IT WAS THE MOST INTIMIDATING ENVIRONMENT KNOWN TO MAN!
So there I am, a guy who’s about 50 lbs. overweight, who’s bald, and who makes $30 Grand a year, hob-knobbing with models and porno stars. And wouldn’t you know it, the same feeling I got when I went to a bar in the past began to creep up on me. But because I was able to understand the concept of controlling my FRAME, I was able to do something amazing.
I set the frame that I’m having a good time, that all the girls in the club liked me, and that I was going to have fun with them. Before long, I found myself in a conversation with a beautiful girl who is a model. In fact, she told me she’s going to be on the next season of “America’s Next Top Model.” Because I approached her with a strong frame of having fun and that I was the PRIZE, she was very responsive to me. She eventually got dragged away by some friends (as is apt to happen in clubs). But later on, I saw her talking to a group of guys who were obviously trying to hit on her.
But because my frame was so strong, I walked up to the group, took her by the hand, and literally LEAD her onto the dance floor, away from all the moes she was talking to, who watched in stunned silence and a poor, bald, fat guy grinded away with this amazing girl in front of them. And not only that – SHE WAS INTO IT!
So there I am, body pressed up against this girl, having the best time in the world, and I think to myself “I should make out with her!”
So I did. I grabbed her and planted one right on her lips. And not only did she react well, but she reciprocated! Before long, our tongues were in a fencing match with each other, and I was the envy of about 78% of the club. It was a reality shattering experience for me, because until that point, the only place I’d ever made out with a girl was either in my car or in the bedroom after about 3 or 4 dates.
So what was different? The answer: My Frame! I set the frame where I was the PRIZE, where she was trying to win ME over, and where she wants me so bad that she WANTED to make-out with me. And because I set the strong frame, the model I was with WENT ALONG WITH IT! Now, I can now go into a club without that sinking feeling of depression dragging me down, because I know it is possible to not only have fun, but to meet any girl I want and make-out with her! You just gotta have the right frame.
Thanks Swinggcat!” – M from Pasadena
My response:
Damn! – talk about a geek to sheik story. This guy went from “classified gimp” to “certified pimp.” What was is it that allowed him to do this? The sole enabling factor was this: He understood the power of ESTABLISHING himself as the PRIZE when interacting with women. In my book I call this PRIZABILITY.
As those of you who have been following my newsletters and have read my book know: ATTRACTION is not what a woman prefers. ATTRACTION is creating the emotion inside a woman of wanting, reaching for more of you. The art of creating this emotion inside women is what call PRIZING.
You cannot, however, create the emotion in a woman of her wanting and reaching for more of you if she does not perceive you as being the PRIZE. Put in other words, before you can ATTRACT her, you need to set the groundwork that you are the PRIZE. You can’t make a woman want more of you if she does not view you as having any perceived value.
Even having good looks and lots of money, in and of themselves, doesn’t necessarily suffice in establishing that you are the PRIZE with women.
A more efficient way of ESTABLISHING yourself as the PRIZE is through developing specific social skills. Learning to, for example, tell stories, cold read, be intriguing, develop your sense of humor…and so on. I do all of these things, and, in fact, I teach them in my book.
Real World Seduction
The most powerful way, however, to establish PRIZABILITY is to ALWAYS define the underlying meaning of your interactions with women as you being the one who is the PRIZE. In my book I call this the META-FRAME.
In fact, all of the other methods for establishing PRIZABILITY – such as, telling stories, cold reading, being intriguing, saying something funny…and so on – only work in conjunction with you defining the META-FRAME as you being the PRIZE.
If you are doing a bunch of things to try to ESTABLISH your PRIZABILITY with a woman – such as, story telling and acting funny – but you are not defining the underlying meaning of your interaction with her as you being the one who is the PRIZE, you will, unknowingly, establish negative PRIZABILITY.
Put in other words, doing or saying things to increase your PRIZABILTY within the context – or META-FRAME – of you not being the PRIZE will inevitably make you look needy, pathetic, and desperate.
Before learning anything else about dating or ATTRACTING women, you need to know how to ESTABLISH the META-FRAME that you are the PRIZE in the interaction. Even if you have all of the social skills in the world, without knowing how to set the META-FRAME your skills are worthless when comes to ATTRACTING women. If you do not yet have a handle on this, you need to read my book:
Real World Seduction
When you are fat, bald, and broke, like M from Pasadena, a woman’s default assumption is probably going to be that you are not the PRIZE. To make matters worse, your default assumption about yourself might be that you aren’t the PRIZE.
As M from Pasadena tells us: “When you enter a situation you may feel uncomfortable with, the natural inclination is to be overwhelmed by the FRAME your environment presents. If you allow this to happen, you effectively give up any control over your behaviors and actions. This is the worst possible thing you can do if you are hoping to meet the girl of your dreams. Controlling your FRAME, and setting the right FRAME, as opposed to adopting the FRAMES presented to you, is the most powerful tool there is in getting a woman.”
M refuses to allow society, his environment, and the people he is around to dictate his FRAME and META-FRAME.
Just doing this can establish PRIZABILITY because it conveys to women that you are in control of your power, have a strong sense of self, and have an unswayable REALITY. These are all qualities women find PRIZABLE in men.
M continues: “I set the frame where I was the PRIZE, where she was trying to win ME over, and where she wants me so bad that she WANTED to make-out with me. And because I set the strong frame, the model I was with WENT ALONG WITH IT! Now, I can now go into a club without that sinking feeling of depression dragging me down, because I know it is possible to not only have fun, but to meet any girl I want and make-out with her! You just gotta have the right frame.”
Let’s remember, he didn’t play tonsil hockey with just any girl, he did it with a woman who is going to be on the next season of “America’s Next Top Model.” And he was able to do this in spite of being fat, bald, and broke – all because he established the META-FRAME that he is the PRIZE.
When you ASSUME that you have perceived value, and KNOW how to establish the META-FRAME that you are the PRIZE, women will see you as a PRIZE they want to win over – and it doesn’t matter if you’re fat, or bald or broke…or whatever. If, however, you are good looking and rich yet do not have the skill set for establishing the META-FRAME that you are the PRIZE, your success with women will be mediocre at best. That’s how important the META-FRAME is. With some guys, it almost seems like they were born with it. Not me. I had to learn how to establish the META-FRAME through a lot of experimenting and hard work. If you want to save yourself truck loads of time, come check out my book and learn how to establish the META-FRAME within a few hours:
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