If you want to have more romantic interactions with women, that does NOT mean that you need to “take women out on dates” in order to do it.
DATING TIPS MAILBAG: What Women Want
In A Man
By David DeAngelo
***QUESTION*** Hi Dave, I just bought the advanced CD series & it’s amazing what a difference they make over the book. Being able to listen on the way to work, whilst out doing chores, etc. is cool. I can feel the confidence building inside me, it’s like my own personal coach. The C&F doesn’t come naturally to me at present so I’ve taken your advice and am using the internet as a ‘woman simulator’ in order to practice. I’ve had mixed results so far, I think a few took the teasing the wrong way as some of them would suddenly stop replying. I must be better at the C&F than I thought though. The first time I went on this site I was chatting to a few girls and one of them ended up giving me her mobile and asking if we could go for coffee before I had chance to. Anyway my question: You suggest that a date should simply be ‘tea & stimulating conversation’, which for all of the reasons you give makes perfect sense to me. But once I’ve done the tea & conversation with this girl, do you have any suggestions for other dates where I can come across as the ‘lover’ instead of the ‘provider’. The only one where I wouldn’t end up having to shell out (buy her stuff) that I can think of is a walk along the river or something, but that’s rather dependant on the weather. Thanks for changing my life. AIB – London UK >>>MY COMMENTS: Yea, well you’re welcome for the “changing your life” thing. Glad to help. Now, you’re kind of mixing up a couple of concepts that I never intended to “depend” on one another… If you want to know where to take a woman for dates, that shouldn’t be confused with whether or not you come across as a “lover” personality, and not a “provider” personality to her. Let me ask you something… what is a “date”? What do you think that the purpose of a “date” is? Now, I call my material “Double Your Dating”, but what I DON’T mean is “take women out to dinner twice as much as you used to”. The word “Dating” is simply a word that all of us guys understand to mean “romantic interactions with women”. So I use it. But if you want to have more romantic interactions with women, that does NOT mean that you need to “take women out on dates” in order to do it. Are you with me? I mean, what do couples do a year after they get together…? They stay home most of the time, do normal things like go shopping, and generally behave like they did before they met. This whole “going out to dinner” ritual is really an amazing concept. It’s awesome how powerful it is… and how guys really believe that they need to do it (or similar things) in order to get a woman’s attention in a romantic way. Here’s the bottom line: If you want a woman to think of you as a “lover”, then BE ONE. If you want her to think of you as a provider, then just BE ONE. What you haven’t quite realized fully yet is that when you know how to trigger ATTRACTION in a woman, all the “normal” rules go away. If a woman feels that powerful emotional ATTRACTION for you, then she’ll do ANYTHING with you… just to be in your presence and have your attention. If you have dialed up the ATTRACTION, then all you need to say is “come over here”. No dates required. Now, if you buy her dinner 10 times, call her 3 times a day, and chase her around, then it will be EXPECTED that you continue this pattern… and provide for her. NOTE: If you’re buying a woman dinner twice a week, giving her flowers, calling her every day, and basically “chasing” her, then you can be about 80% sure that there’s another guy in the picture… but guess what? He’s the one who SHE calls, and he’s the one who says “Come over later, I’m busy now”… no dates required. If you want to be a LOVER to a woman, then DO IT. You don’t need to wait until the third time out for coffee or tea. You’ll learn that ATTRACTION doesn’t have a timeline. It happens VERY QUICKLY, if you know how to trigger it… and you don’t need a lot of “date ideas” once you do. And now that I’ve avoided your question for a page or two, let me answer with this: I often take women to do “regular” things with me. I’ll take them to the grocery store to shop with me, out to the mall to pick things up, and down to the bookstore to buy a book. First, start BEING the LOVER immediately. Then, notice how women DON’T CARE what you do together, as long as she’s with you. ***SUCCESS STORY*** David, Just wanted to say that after reading your material, I experienced a mental shift. I now see situations in terms of: was I self-referenced (C & F Man) or externally referenced (wussie boy)? It is now very clear that success in anything comes to leaders not followers and women hate dealing with followers. For example look at little boys dealing with little girls when they are playing together. They boss them around, make them play by their rules and those girls grow up expecting men to lead them. Just watch any John Garfield or Lee Marvin movie. Leaders get the girl, wussies get to be used and discarded. I’ve made my choice. Thanks David E from Chi >>>MY COMMENTS: Good. Now help me get the word out to the other 3 billion guys on the planet. You’re right. Women don’t like men who are FOLLOWERS. Women aren’t ATTRACTED to men who are FOLLOWERS. But guess what? Most men FOLLOW anyway. Thanks for reminding us that we need to LEAD. Leading creates ATTRACTION. Following creates the curious dry feeling. ***SUCCESS STORY*** Dave– I definitely have to give it to you. You are “da shizznitt”, lol. Your DYD dvd series has really changed my entire life. I now feel like I am in control of “My World”. I was a little hesitant about buying your product… but I just said “What the Hell…What can I loose???” I am military and in my spare time I am a bartender. You know what that means… I see females out the izzass, lol. I was working one night and a female came up to one of my fellow bartenders to order something and while getting her drink… she asked told him… ” all these guys are staring at me. Do you think i’m cute?” Now normally if I were in his shoes and hadn’t learned what you taught me… I would have melted and told her that she was the finest thing to step foot on this base… case in point…that was what he said. He just bent down unzipped his pants and practically handed her his nuts. Hence, her hands being the nutcracker. I interrupted them while he was “dazed and confused” and told her “Actually they’re looking at that big pimple on your forehead. She stopped and turned towards me and laughed and hit me on the arm. Then I told her not to get mad cuz I was cuter than she. She smiled and for some odd reason… she could not keep herself away from the bar. I just pretended that she was one of my friends that I tease all the time and just called her on everything that she did. Man… I couldn’t believe that she was really eating this up!!! The other bartender that she was talking to first, couldn’t believe that I was doing this!!! He…. for some odd reason didn’t GET what was going on… It was like jets flying over his head. And to show that his nuts belonged to her… he just kept trying to compliment her. She just glanced at him smiled and quickly turned her head to pay him no mind. I got her e-mail and number and she has been like putty in my hands for the past three months. I have to give it to you, Dave. You da man!!! I’m not a selfish person…so I gave him your e-mail address and hopefully he’ll get your system and realize what he’s been doing wrong. I should give him her e-mail address so that he can ask for his balls back, lol. But… for those who have doubts about Dave’s system… I’m living proof of success. Thanks Dave!!! JR – Mexico>>>MY COMMENTS: OK, first of all, I think that you must have some kind of bizarre NUT OBSESSION, dude. And it’s not right. But hey, fortunately you’re on the right side of the “don’t hand them over” equation, so everything seems like it might be all right for you. You’ve given some great examples of how to get an attractive woman’s attention, tease her, and play with her to “spark” that initial sexual tension and “chemistry”. Now make sure you keep it up so you’re not writing me in 3 more months with the “She used the Trojan Horse De-Nutting Technique” on me. ***QUESTION*** Hey Man, What has happened to women’s standards? All the beautiful babes with no neck dorks! I am a good looking guy and I can’t even get a phone number. They go out with guys that weigh like 300 lbs and dress like slobs. I wear nice clothes and drive a nice car and I can’t get a single date. Maybe it is where I live. In order to get a date I will have to gain 200 lbs and have someone break my nose so I am ugly enough for some girl to date me. American girls suck! They have no taste anymore!I give up! >>>MY COMMENTS: No, I think that the problem is that you whine like a whipped Bitch. Women can smell a “victim” attitude 100 miles away, and it IS NOT ATTRACTIVE. Women’s “standards” are just fine. The problem isn’t them, it’s YOU. Now do yourself a favor and quit ACTING like a little girl, and DO SOMETHING about your situation. What, do you think that all the average and ugly guys out there who have HOT girlfriends are getting them by being ugly? The answer is “No, they’re not”. These guys are getting the babes because they know how to make the women feel ATTRACTION. Trust me, I know quite a few guys who are NOT exactly the picture of “handsome”… but these guys get a lot of women. Why? Because they KNOW HOW. Now quit whining, and go LEARN. ***SUCCESS STORY*** Dear Dr. D, Just wanted to drop you a quick note. I am a 34 year old and divorced using your E-book to learn how to get back into the game. Since I was raised by my parents to be a nice guy, submissive, wussy, it has been a challenge to overcome these self-destructive traits—but I am gaining ground every day. Also, I don’t have any natural ability for C&F. For the most part I am quiet and reserved—-so I have needed to re-train myself in that area also. You have given me a good start by explaining attraction and what women want. I want to stress the importance of “practice”. It’s the only way to quickly improve your inner and outer game. What has helped me is practicing on an old girlfriend. I am sure many of your students like me have a woman that just won’t let you go from an old relationship. So, I have not completely ended it for sex and companionship and she keeps me around for sex and emotional support. Anyway—-to my amazing weekend: Saturday, I went out with the old girlfriend and busted on her and challenged her on many issues all night. My old self would have shut up and zoned out—not this time. I didn’t put up with any of her nonsense. It ended at my place and we had an amazing double session. She is now hooked more than ever even though she knows I am seeing other people. She can’t help herself. I have triggered the attraction mechanism and more importantly I know what I did to accomplish that. Sunday I spent the day with a cute girl who had responded to my internet ad. We had only been out once before. I played the game—didn’t act overly sexually interested, just enough….I used the C&F when I could, but basically kept cool. She offered to pay our lunch/cocktail bill. My old self would have foolishly denied her offer—thinking I was the man, thinking I was being chivalrous (how foolish ;). This time I accepted without hesitation. Once back at my place I used the start and stop technique. I would get her hot, then I would back off. She would stop my hand from reaching too far so I decided that I wasn’t going to push it and that tonight might not be “the night” with her so I was very relaxed. At 10:00 she was getting ready to leave. We started making out while saying goodbye—-next thing I know , we were in the bedroom. It was amazing. The fun lasted all night. Today I am tired with a smile on my face. I know it worked out because I put the proper groundwork in place. By turning my sexual advances on and then off—–it really got to her. Acting as if I was evaluating her…the whole thing. Thank you for pointing me in the right direction, I am starting to get it!!! Literally 😉 C Fort Lauderdale, Fl >>>MY COMMENTS: Yea, you really are starting to GET IT. And you are RIGHT ON. This stuff takes practice and real-world experience using it before you really “get it”. Too many guys are just too damned overly-analytical, and want to know how to do EVERYTHING before they do ANYTHING. I used to be this way… and it cost me a lot of time and energy. It’s so amazing to actually get out there and SEE results right in front of your eyes. It gets you excited and willing to try more things… and it prepares you for the future… for situations that are REALLY important. Get out there and use this stuff. Start NOW. ***QUESTION*** Dave, What does it mean when a woman says she wants to “work on herself” before she can have a relationship? >>>MY COMMENTS: The literal translation for this is: “I DON’T FEEL ATTRACTION FOR YOU, BUT I DON’T KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU WITHOUT HURTING YOUR LITTLE WUSSY BOY GIRLIE FEELINGS.” Any of the following: “I need time alone right now.” “I need to find me first.” “Let’s just be friends for now.” …etc. mean: “I DON’T FEEL ATTRACTION.” That’s the bottom line. The problem is YOU, not HER. Don’t be surprised if this same girl either IS or STARTS dating another guy seriously soon. If you’re hearing this kind of thing often, then you need to take it as a sign that you’re not triggering ATTRACTION inside of women… and, more importantly, that you need to LEARN HOW. I recommend my Advanced Dating Techniques Program. This will help eliminate these types of comments from women once and for all. Here, let me brag for a minute… I’m sitting here thinking about it, and I can’t remember a woman saying one of these things to me in YEARS. ***QUESTION*** Mr. Dave! You are the man! I have been getting your emails for about 8 months now I belive and have read your book! Just yesterday I was in the store looking at CD’s and I noticed these two beautiful girls walking around and they would constantly look over towards me. As I wandered around the store more I noticed that they seemed to always show up wherever I was. So I stopped them and asked the girl that I was more attracted to “Excuse me but i’m going to have to ask you to stop stalking me.” She looked at her friend like ‘What is this boy talking about’ and then she asked me for my name. I immediately answered “Do you really think i’m just going to give my name out to a stalker?” once again she looked like she couldn’t believe I was talking to her this way. We talked about five more minutes and then I told her I had to go. She asked me if I wanted her number so we could continue the conversation. I pretended to think about it and then told her “I’m sorry but I’m just going to be way too busy to find time to call you. So If you promise to stop stalking me i’ll give you my number and you can try and catch me when I have a few minutes of free time to talk.” She eagerly took my number and when I got home about an hour later she had already left a message on my machine to see if I could go out with her this weekend! I was so happy because I was curious too see if I reversed the three minute phone number to give away my number instead of getting hers would work and it did! Anyway on to my question. As I stated this girl was with a friend at the store who was also very attractive and was there the whole time I was hitting up her friend. Is there anyway in these situations where you can get both girls numbers? AF- AK >>>MY COMMENTS: Nice “reverse stalker” move. I say things like this to women all the time, and they generally love it. To answer your question, YES, there’s an easy way to get both girls’ phone numbers. ASK. Then call and ask them BOTH to come join you for a cup of tea. Kill two birds with one stone. Then, over tea you can decide which one you like more. I’ve had friends who have been in similar situations report back that sometimes both women will like you… and EACH OTHER as well. I mean, what do you have to lose? 2 minutes of getting a phone number? Look, your question was based in fear. Fear that you’d offend one or both of the women, and then lose everything. The fact is that you never HAD anything. A phone number is easy to get. If you feel like asking both women for their numbers, do it. If you feel like asking them both to join you for tea, do it. You get to make the rules. ***SUCCESS STORY*** David, I received your DVD series about a month ago and have watched it in its entirety a few times. I’ve noticed a strange circumstance since then, similar to what Napoleon Hill says about how when you choose a definite major purpose in life, ways and means of attaining that purpose seem to magically appear to you. When I’ve been in situations where I wasn’t actually interacting with a woman and laying on the C&F, they’ve still been acting attracted to me despite the fact that I consciously did NOTHING in these situations. For example: – A bar/restaurant I hit about once a week has a very hot waitress staff, and one in particular is a Pam Anderson clone who’s always being stared at and complimented by all the wussy guys. She’s been working at least a dozen times that I’ve been in there but has never acted like she even noticed me until the last time (since I’ve watched the DVDs) and she kept looking at me, over and over again, despite the fact that I did NOTHING different. Finally I gave her the “wrinkled brow” suspicious look and she got all self-conscious, said “what?” and I came right back with “if you’re gonna be that forward and flirty with me you could’ve at least done your hair up a little better” and then it was ON! – I met some friends for happy hour and a very hot chick was sitting at a table holding some guy’s hand. Every other guy in the place was staring at her and she was so hot that I even overheard some of the waitresses trashing her. The thing is, I had been watching the DVDs that same day and came walking in with a particularly cocky swagger and the wrinkled brow and she stared me down the whole way in. Then she would not stop looking over at me while she was holding this dude’s hand, he was obviously a Wussy since he saw what was going on and did nothing (I guess he’s the guy she uses for free dinners while she’s banging the real men). At one point she even took the long way to the bathroom to walk by me and flirt but with the Wussy watching there was no op to get the info… hopefully I run into her again. It’s obvious that just watching the DVD series gives one an aura of confidence, since I did nothing in these situations but show up. Kinda like reading Comedy Writing Secrets then suddenly being funnier without actually thinking about it and trying. Simply watching and learning this material opens doors for you without trying! FR Phoenix >>>MY COMMENTS: Ah, you’re tapping into the power of the mind here. One of the BIG benefits of learning all of the material that I teach in my programs is the changes that naturally occur inside your mind. Once you see things differently, you begin to BEHAVE differently as well. And it will happen automatically. Now, I don’t mean to sound new-agey here, but this is the reality of the situation. Women can pick up on subtle body language that most men don’t even know EXISTS. When you start “mentally rehearsing” some of the things you learn from my programs, you will automatically act differently when you’re in future situations with women. Great job, and keep it up. And make sure you send in some future Success Stories, as I’m sure you’re going to have many. ***SUCCESS STORY*** Hey Dave, Blah blah blah, I shamelessly compliment you, you feel like a deity… there we’re done. Your book would be worth it’s weight in gold, even if it were made of lead! I stumbled onto your site by accident. A month before, I was Let’s Just BeFriended for being “too nice”, and this was with an UGLY thing too! eh… I was desperate. I actually laughed at those “losers” for getting slapped on the arm and called a**hole, and later, I thought the chicks were idiots for dating them!! I’m better now. After reading your book it was like the heavens were parted and g*d HIMself bitch slapped the wuss right out of me! Thanks. Not only am I getting slapped, bitten, chewed on, and fought over, I am LOVING it too! Just the other day I was in a bookstore, and an old friend (read “hot chick”) of mine came in, I thought, ‘hey I am here just being my new self, lets try something’, so I walked over to her, said hi, and then said “I didn’t expect to see a beautiful young woman here” she said “aww that’s so sweet” (read “you wussy”) but then I did something that has been working really well for me, I busted on her. I said “maybe I still will” Slap on arm, AND big smile. She was wearing this rather large skirt with ruffles, so I said “wow… I didn’t know the parachute look was still in” while obviously staring at it. Another slap on arm, this time laughing. Later she asked if I got my hair cut (I hadn’t) she said it “whatever it is, its really attractive.” There is this coffee shop in the store, so we had “stimulating conversation” a little while went by, and she asked me to go to her car with her, so she could “show me a new piece of art.” well needless to say, we are still “appreciating art” together, and its been two months! So the question is… Will complimenting the ladies then busting on whatever I just complimented work the same as if not complimenting at all? >>>MY COMMENTS: Ah, one of my favorites… Giving a woman a compliment, then putting a backhanded twist on it. “Wow, your shoes are cute. Did you buy them new?” “Your hair is pretty. Did your mom do it for you?” “Nice car. If you’re homeless.” Pick up any modern men’s magazine and you’ll get a bunch of good ideas for this type of thing. Cocky & Funny can be very powerful once you learn how to use it. Great example, and thank you. ***QUESTION*** Hey Dave, I have been reading your emails and have purchased your ebook and have read and studied from both. I would ‘study’ areas I felt I was weak in or would that be wussy in, to improve, naturally, but would read everything for as much knowledge as I could absorb. Well, I have a success story but with a slight twist to it. The twist is my success was due to playing off of 2 other guys’ failures. I went to a club in a part of town I normally do not go to. Not that it is a bad part of town I just never thought of going there. I went by myself, so on my own, no one for moral support, in a place I have never been before. Talk about giving your ideas the acid test, this was going to be it. I was looking down at the dance floor getting into the music and noticed behind me two girls sitting at a table. I then noticed 2 guys approach and one started to talk to one of the girls. The other guy was just standing there looking at girl #2 trying to get up the nerve to say something, from what I could tell, since I was that way myself in a not so distant past. I just turned away and didn’t pay much attention but after 10 mins or so the same guy talking to girl #1 is not making any headway. Guy 2 still had his wuss game going so no change there. I decided to ask girl # 2 to dance but wanted to get her attention and interest, as well. So I leaned over and said, “While that guy is trying to hustle your friend, whom, I might he is not doing very well, would you like to dance?” Well, this girl just cracked up laughing, she did not want to dance but did want to talk more. She went on to say that there is nothing he could say or do at this point to make her want to dance or go out with him. He just doesn’t get it, she said. I went on to say I know it is crowded and a bit loud here but one should understand NO easy enough. She agreed and went on to mention how much of a loser his friend is just standing there. I then remembered a statement someone used in an email of yours and thought I would use it myself. I said to girl #2 “what’s that smell, do you smell that?” She replies, “What smell?” I said, “The smell of desperation.” Well, Dave, that girl laughed so hard she fell out of her chair. I helped her up and when she told me she had to tell her girl friend that and when she leaned over to talk to her I just turned away and went back to looking at the people dancing. After a bit this girl came up to me and said look at those losers they are just standing on the dance floor while people are dancing around them. They did look pretty pathetic. We talked a bit and I asked her name but I did not quite understand it since she was Latin and had a Latin name I could not make out what she said, what with all the loud music and noise. Just then some friends of hers and her girl friend’s came in and she started to talk to them so again I just turned away and watched people on the dance floor. After a bit she came back and grabbed my arm and said come on I want to introduce you to my friends. After she introduces everyone to me I turn to her and ask what was your name again? Is it ludicrous? She just busted up laughing again and tried to tell me her name again. By now, she is holding my hand and we started dancing right there. We talked a bit and I told her she has to write her name down so I can pronounce correctly when I call her. She say’s, “Call me?” I said, “Yes, since you are writing your name down you might as well give me your number. How else am I going to call you? Oh, and if you have email you might as well give me that also.” She said, that it was cool meeting me and gave me a hug and kiss. She then went back to her friends and I just turned away and called it a night. It may not have been nice to use the 2 guys wuss behavior to my advantage but it worked. N from Miami Beach >>>MY COMMENTS: LOL… so you went off secretly to a bar alone… hoping that no one would see you testing the materials out for yourself… lol. Yea, sometimes it’s rough when other guys act like Wussy Jackasses… But hey, it makes your life easier and more fun! So what the hell, right? I have to say, one of my personal favorite things to do with women I’ve just met is make fun of how other guys are acting. It’s particularly fun in these bar-type situations, where you can watch one interaction after another. Most guys suck at approaching women, and it makes for great humor and conversation. Of course, talking about how terrible other guys are INSTANTLY separates you from the herd, and kind of puts you in the “NON-WUSS” category all by itself. Another personal favorite of mine is to tell a girl that she should get together with one of the guys that is acting like a jackass. “I think you and that Wuss-Boy over there would make a cute couple. He looks like he needs a mom like you to tell him what to do…” etc. You’ve done a great job here, now keep it up. And thanks for the great example. Always remember in these situations that a big scoop of COCKY & FUNNY will make things go well.