If you are well indoctrinated in reading ‘seduction community’ advice, chances are you have probably read about the concept of the DHV and may have been obsessing about trying to constantly build your value in front of a woman. (Until Now, of course!)
What is a “DHV?”
If you don’t know what it is, you’re going to come across it sooner or later so it might be best to keep what I am about to tell you in the back of your mind.
DHV stands for “Demonstrating Higher Value.” If you have read Neil Strauss’ book, “The Game” then chances are extremely likely that you have across such silly acronyms a multitude of times already.
The belief system is that you must approach people with the mindset of immediately demonstrating higher value. Otherwise, she’ll just think of you as the next guy in line. If you don’t conduct DHVs, then you are just another Joe Blow from around the block. Thus, whenever you approach a woman to initiate a conversation, the first thing you must attempt to do is, ”Demonstrate higher value.”
This is the wrong frame to possess.
Obviously, every quality a person possesses has some perceived value attached to it. I could write a lengthy list but here are a few points to illustrate what I mean.
- Good looks have some value,
- A nice physique has some value,
- Wit and sense of humor have value,
- Artistic ability has value
- Being a great story teller has value,
- Being an interesting, well-traveled person has value
- A nice house on the beach has value.
All of the above help to distinguish someone in some manner. You may possess some of these traits or you can choose to learn and internalize some of them such as storytelling, for example. There are many valuable qualities a person can possess, but it makes for a miserable existence to perceive everything through a point system of value.
You’ve probably all read at some point that attraction is not based on logic, but rather on emotion. No woman ever takes a scorecard and adds value points to it. (If she does, that’s the type you want to avoid at all costs anyway!)
Is there something wrong with distinguishing yourself? Of course not!
If you’re a funny, smart, interesting, outgoing person, naturally you’re going to present some value. So what am I talking about then?
The issue arises when a man approaches each interaction obsessing about demonstrating his value. If he has to think about it, it probably means he doesn’t believe he has a lot of it.
When you consciously decide to build and demonstrate “Higher” value in front of a woman every single time, you automatically assume that you have less value to begin with. There can be no other assumption. If you must build you value, then by default, you essentially believe that you have less value. This is the only possibility.
Similarly, if you feel that you must put down a woman every time you meet one in order to lower her value, what are you assuming? You assume that she is better than you. You assume that you she is above you. You assume that you are lower and less than she is, and now you must tear her down to your level of misery.
That is an insecure way of thinking.
As I mentioned before, the problem is not the issue of presenting value. It lies in the fact of men approaching with the mindset and belief that “THEY MUST SHOW Higher Value, and they must lower her value.” I meet certain guys and the issue of approaching women pops up. They try to devise complex strategies in order to approach a woman as though they were infiltrating Fort Knox.
The interesting part is that regardless of who she is as a person, their first thought is, “I must go in, demonstrate higher value, and tear her down and lower her.” It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that this is an insecure way of thinking.
What is the alternative to being obsessed with building value?
ASSUME THAT YOU HAVE VALUE.
Ultimately, most of this game is inner game. (Assuming that a guy is socially normal and can carry a decent conversation.!!) At least 80% of this game is inner-game, in my estimation. Sure, the beginner can benefit from some basic structure, approach ideas, how to conduct himself, and how to develop his calibration skills…… but that can be taught to someone in a relatively short period of time.
Being witty, a great conversationalist, an interesting storyteller and so forth can all help distinguish a person. That is one way of demonstrating higher value than the people around you. So, what’s the difference?
***The difference is not having to THINK about doing it. It’s very subtle, but it’s an important distinction.***
Sometimes, beginners start out with DHV concepts simply because they really don’t know what else to say or how to properly tease a girl and have fun. If that’s your current situation, that’s OK, but please keep the long term goal in mind. That is: The ultimate success comes when you actually,
***BELIEVE THAT YOU HAVE VALUE***
Do yourself a favor:
Please take a moment and briefly think about all the men who you’ve ever known who were successful with women. This may have been in high school, college, or it may be guys you know right now.
These may have been guy you dislike, were envious of, or maybe admired because they seemed to always have attractive women around them. Perhaps you have had friends with such similar qualities. Some of these guys may be friends of yours right now.
If you think back to one of the common threads amongst these men, you may notice that they never tried to impress people or seek their approval. You may notice a commonality that these guys all had some attitude, that to some extent they didn’t really give a damn to try and prove themselves to you or others around.
Ideally, you can open the conversation with almost ANYTHING. Believing you have value versus thinking you must build it shows itself through the subtext, not through the text.
What we are talking about in essence are two opposing mindsets:
***A mindset of “Trying to Impress” versus a Mindset of “Not feeling the need to impress others around you.”***
This is a key shift in thinking that leads to a monumental change in behavior.
The inner-game part can take years. You end up going wherever your focus is, so it’s better to focus on building your own frame instead of how to socially manipulate others. You’ll be a lot happier person as a result of it.
Focusing on building value in every interaction is certainly one way of doing this, but then again, so is eating out of a garbage dump. It just may not be the way that will lead to long term benefits. There are better ways.
In my estimation, if any person constantly feels that he has to conduct a “DHV” upon meeting a new person (male or female), he is setting himself up for misery. You are assuming that you don’t have enough value as a person. Stop thinking along those lines.
Stop carrying that frame and perspective. Focus on being a person who can convey his personality, knows what he wants, and who does not need to impress others, and nor does he to insult others to build his value.
You want a DHV? Here is one: Your DHV is being a cool guy who is comfortable with who he is. That has value, because it’s so damn rare.
Lastly, If you cannot let this model go, if you must hold on to this model because you have invested so much stock in it, then think about this way: “Your ultimate DHV in life will be………. NOT thinking about having to DHV.”