Let’s talk a little bit about body language and how it relates to your attitude and confidence. We all know that people communicate with each other on multiple levels. But did you know that spoken words is just 7% of what we communicate?
The majority of communication is done with vocal tones, vocal pitch, movement, body language and gestures. All of these things and more make up our composite body language expressions, such as: Facial expressions, voice intonation, speed of speech , how you walk, the way you carry yourself through the world, having eye contact, how fast you move, and even our breathing.
You may ask why body language is so important. First, because it is how we sub-communicate with others. This sub-communication is even more important that ever before, because society has created a link between our actions and how people feel. For example, when you are in room and you feel really nervous, everyone in the room will pick up that you are nervous by your actions, tonality, and speed of your movements. Such things are very obvious, especially to children who are not preoccupied with speech as much as many adults. You can see when somebody is sad, happy, excited, honest, or angry. Look at somebody who rapidly moves his foot up and down. This guy probably can’t look anybody in the eyes and is sub-communicating that he is insecure. Somebody who is hunched over, with her feet together, is subconsciously trying to not be noticed at all.
We can find wealth of information about other people by their body language. In terms of seduction, we learn to read what females are saying on a deeper level. An outgoing woman will do the exact same to you, she could tell you a zillion things that you are projecting, just by your image. Let me quote my girlfriend here: “I can see if a guy is good in bed, just by the way he walks.” That is so true. They can tell everything about you, just by the way you look. It comes from all those years of experience of guys hitting on them.
If you go out dressed like you do not care about your image at all, you probably don’t care, and women will notice this. On the other hand, if you go out dressed as a socially cool guy, you probably are a pretty damn smooth dude. As for the woman, this process of screening by looks and body language is a self-defense mechanism. She really doesn’t want to hook up with some low self-esteem loser, or some boring guy who doesn’t know how to give her some fun in her life. So they screen you and try to find out as many things about you as possible in a very short period of time.
Imagine, if you are a HOT girl, would you give 30 minutes of your time to each boring geek that hit on you?? No, you would give him 30 seconds and then the “F#*& off” line.
This is because she already knows that he is a boring, lame-ass guy. But what if some super-ultra confident guy, who is well dressed, comes into a room, walks slowly towards a hot girl with a smile on his face, and starts a conversation with a girl? Would she reject him??
Exactly. She would not.
Now let me ask you who the really confident men in our society are, the ones with an attitude larger then life. Who are they?? Rockstars, company directors, successful managers, doctors, politicians…. etc.
Take a look at how they walk, how they sit, how they speak, and you’ll notice something really interesting. They are totally calm, like they control TIME. They are not in hurry. The way they move and how they speak completely radiates with super-confidence.
Let’s take a look at what the most common mistakes are when somebody tries to pick up a girl:
- Talking too fast (being nervous)
- Talking too much (trying to impress her)
- Not knowing what to say next (not enough practice)
- Drinking (to become comfortable)
- Asking too many questions (you create rapport too soon, but she doesn’t want your rapport unless you have attracted her first)
- Body language wrong (hands connected, feet too close, shoulders down, leaning in)
- Buying her drinks (trying to buy her over, or even worse, trying to get her drunk)
- Not being comfortable talking with strangers (social anxiety)
Does any of this radiate with any confidence??? Hell no!! Take a look and see that every action here projects INSECURITY!!
Ok, let’s correct this poor body language together. Here is list of things that you must FIX…
- Keep your hands out of your pockets.
- Stand with you feet wider apart.
- Never look down when you walk, look above th horizon
- Stand with your chest pushed outwards
- Keep your shoulders relaxed and back
- Walk confidently and slowly with bigger steps
- Take up lots of space, no matter where you are
- Pay attention to how you dress
- Always lean back.
- Touch people when you talk with them (non-sexual), because you must create conversation on all levels, not just verbal. (Later she is going to be used to your touch, and that is perfect for the pre-sex stage!)
- All your body language should be comparable in speed. For instance, moving with confidence is good, but it looks incongruent if you talk fast at the same time.
One more really important thing my friend would tell you, “Pick-Up doesn’t start when you approach her, it starts when you WAKE UP in morning!” and that’s so true!
Let’s move on to the subject of attraction:
In order to attract a woman, you must first understand why and how they think. Why the state of attraction exists, and how it happens.
The easiest way to understand and explain this is through something known as ‘Switches theory’. You know those on/off switches you have in your house for electricity? Now imagine you have 15 of them in one box. That’s an analogy for how our minds work. Women have switches such as “Is he attractive?, is he good at sex?” on or off.
Every girl out there has a different set of switches, because it really depends on their culture, their childhood, their beliefs and their age, plus a few other minor things. However, there are some common switches you must turn ON to all girls out there.
You must be:
- Challenging
- Alpha
- Interesting
- Unpredictable
- Stylish
- Not needy
- A good lover
- Humorous
- Capable of building strong rapport
- Secure
- Trustworthy
- Conversational
Now, those switches can be either ON or OFF. There is no value in-between… for geeks, it’s all off.
What happens when you switch on most of those switches?? Wow… she starts to be interested in you… actually… she starts to show IOIs (indication of interest). This reaction is totally normal. When she meets a guy who is funny, good looking, interesting, romantic, and not needy, she becomes interested in getting to know him better (read: sleeping with him).
Switching on these switches is what demonstrates personality to a woman. You can tell stories where you were romantic. You can hook her with interesting snippets of your life and make her ask you questions where you get to reveal your romantic side. It doesn’t matter, as long as the you flip the romantic switch to the ON position. Every story or routine you have in your arsenal is saying something to her (flipping switches.) When designing routines and stories, you need to first take a look at what you want to convey to her.
The easiest way to switch On lot of switches is through good body language, behavior, and a sense of style.
Lets take a look at me for example. If you’ve never seen the way I look, take a look at my webpage photo here…
Okay, let’s analyze this together… what do you think about this guy just from this photo? Here is what others have said:
- He has a lot of confidence
- He looks like some badboy or a really adventurous guy
- Good looking (average)
- He is drinking expensive cocktails, so he probably has some money…
- Sex must be amazing with him
- He is alpha, he doesn’t worry what others think.
- He doesn’t look like some predictable guy…
- Not so needy
Ok, guys, you get my point… I switched On like 10 switches just by the way I look and behave. There are also switches I haven’t flipped yet:
I don’t have trust, rapport, I am not romantic, interesting… and that’s it fellas!!!!
That means 5 stories for 5 more switches. That’s like 5 X 5 minutes = 25 minutes to get a girl.
Of course you can convey all those things through conversation, and that’s fine. But it will take 10X longer! This is the way it works for me, and I am happy.
LOVE YOUR SITE AND INFO. You are right on point with your info and I am proof of that. keep it up.
Sound quality was very dciirattsng. Sorry I am audio not visual. The comments and grunts from the peanut gallery made it worse. I am not sure I was able to pay attention enough to get the jist of the message and I won’t subject myself to another listen. Too uncomfortable for me.
Very good and very complete however I found a mistake here :
“Body language wrong (hands connected, feet too close, shoulders down, leaning in)”
–> the shoulders down are good because you relaxe !
it was a mathematical law. eoeptimslogy? Really? I would be….. shocked if you could give a definition of knowledge, to such detail that I couldn’t give a counter example. Please, don’t say knowledge is relative, that’s false, perception is , not knowledge, and don’t say J.T.B. … That’s just lame. I realize this is off topic… but you started itIt isn’t straw man argumentation , its correction of an egregious error. You invoked Occam’s Razor as if it represented some sort of wild card that you could present when all else failed. To quote the scientific realist philosopher Mario Bunge: [Knowledge is t]he outcome of a cognitive process, such as perception, experiment, postulation, or deduction. OK, so I still haven’t addressed why parsimony and inductive arguments are relative. Well, the admin tried to used skepticism to argue against pua. The main point he was getting at was just because you see a guy get a hb under unfavorable conditions doesn’t prove pua. Yes, but your evidence (I’m still unclear what your thesis for attraction is, it’s really broad) can’t really be proven either. Parsimony rules everything. For all you know your in the matrix. However, statically it’s more likely your not.Well no, that is a gross misprepresentation of the content of this site and a ridiculous reading of eoeptimslogy. The case against PUA is predicated on results derived from experiments published in reputable peer-reviewed journals. Something that Admin stated in passing does not comprise the argument and evidence against PUA. The central thesis of this website is that _sexual attraction can not be created_. There is no evidence that sexual attraction can be created and ample direct and indirect evidence that it can’t. Parsimony doesn’t even get a look in here, which was my original point and your initial error. We aren’t choosing between two bases of comparable evidence. Rather, we are choosing between a proposition which is well supported by evidence and argumentation and another which is supported only by anecdote. Parsimony is relevant when discussing any scientific discussion and especially so when discussing behavioral trends.There is no scientific discussion between PUAs and social psychologists, evolutionary psychologists and biological anthroplogists. PUA has no evidence base to speak of hence there can be no dialogue. PUA has no answers for the problems raised by the social sciences in relation to attraction and pair bonding. You are effectively trying to grant anecdote the same epistemic status as the results obtained from replicated experiment that has been subject to expert review. This is an absurd proposition.I personally have seen a trend, where I’v observed males competing in courtship. There are men with similar attraction ratings, and socioeconomic status that differ greatly in their respective success rates.Now, I don’t doubt there is data that suggest that “types” etc… can contribute. I doubt how integral you claim they are to courtship. To me it seems less parsimonious with the large number of circulating people, two individuals with similar tangible qualities would have such different levels of success, were there not some other factor. I believe that other factor to be game.So your personal observations deserve the same respect and regard as results that have been obtained by methodologically sound experiments that have been replicated and published in reputable peer-reviewed journals? How can this be so? In the absence of any high quality evidence I would take your obsevations more seriously but given that we have good evidence that suggests there is no such thing as game your personal observations are of no significance. yes, a person with such ideally inadequate features that still is able to attract women with a higher attractiveness rating than themselves is rare. I’v met a few though. “There is more than meets the eye.”… Well… yea that’s what i’m saying….Pick -up.But you have no evidence that pick-up has occurred. You are begging the question: you are assuming to be true that which you need to demonstrate to be true.-Ok, I see what your getting at in the example with the drug dealer. What your saying is the girl might be around for another reason other than her being attracted to him.I guess a lot of this just comes down to definitions, for me everythingAs a philosopher I’m inclined to ask….. Can you define attraction with such a narrow definition as to to exclude examples that would not fit in with your thesis, while being broad enough to cover any function of the word within your argument?Sexual attraction has a biological substrate. I am contending that in the case of the ugly drug dealer the biological substrate is missing hence there is no actual attraction. In schematic terms I am contending that those ancient neural structures that govern attraction in the woman’s head have not been activated.By the way, I have a degree in philosophy.To me it’s question of whether people are an intrinsic desire themselves, that is are people in themselves an end? I would say no. “all voluntary acts are only done further one’s own interest.” Even if a girl is interested in you for your looks it’s only at the prospect of self gratification and/ or reproduction.Attraction is simply the drive of another to mate with you, or become a companion of yours.In this way I would say that the drug dealer who has obtained a hb indirectly through drugs has indeed created “attraction”.No he hasn’t because he hasn’t activated the attraction module/circuit in the woman’s brain. She doesn’t want his genes she only wants his drugs. Your idea makes sense only if you totally disregard the fact that sexual attraction has a biological substrate. You are implicitly relying on the idea of sexual attraction as a social construction, which is entirely wrong. Sexual attraction in humans is no different than sexual attraction in other mammals which have no capacity for abstraction.-Oh, and in no way does “PUA” contradict hypergamyYes it does because PUA implicitly conceives of women as self-disinterested, passive automata that can be programmed by PUA. That women are hypergamic means that they are actively (and often aggressively) pursuing their reproductive interest. Women determine who they have sex with based on their own selfish criteria. They can’t be caused to be attracted to anyone.“i.e. it is the belief that men can “create” attraction in women’s heads (see the definition of seduction cited on my website) .”Really though, is this how you define seduction? what if a girl is sort of attracted to you and you raise that attraction level? would this not qualify? It is not as if people are just either attracted or not. You may look at a girl and say, “eh yea she’s hot , ….but that girl over there, damn.” The same argument could be made from a girls point of view.Attraction is a biological phenomenon that is entirely related to genotypes and their reproduction. There is no such thing as sort of attracted to you . Attraction is a binary value. As Alek has emphasised all you can do is not fuck things up. In the cases you describe what is happening is that the girl is attracted to you but she is also receiving one or more signals from you that you are dangerous or diseased and this is conflicting her. By making it clear that you don’t represent any form of threat you prevent the attraction signal from being attenuated. As Alek pointed out, social skills can assist you to lubricate the attraction that is already present. You may retort that this is just semantics and I would agree if attraction had no biological basis. But it all comes down to reproducing your genotype. Your (primitive) brain is trying to find partners that have the right genes and when it finds them it makes you attracted to that person. But at the same time (the primitive parts of) your brain also wants to protect you from danger so circuits that evolved to protect you from danger will activate if there is some perceived threat and this neural activation will be experienced as hesitation or fear and anything in between.“game” to be honest…. is really vague too. I would say that if you learned behaviors strictly to augment your already positive qualities in courtship, then you’ve performed pick-up. I would say anything learned, and not natural, that statistically increases your odds of reproducing is game. Game isn’t a scientific idea and I don’t use it. What you are describing is what Alek has already identified, viz. social skills. But our contention is that social skills will not create attraction they will only allow it to proceed unimpeded where it already exists. Do you appreciate the distinction?
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