“So, if you’ve done 1-6 already, you’re in good shape. Here’s what’s next…”
7. When you approach girls, you will always be POSITIVE, and aim to make them FEEL GOOD and make yourself FEEL GOOD. You won’t expect anything, capice? You’re not trying to be goal-oriented, like “lay this one” or some such. Your goal – upon approaching – feel good, make her feel good. Okay? This has a lot of things going for it, and I won’t list them all, but here’s a couple
*You won’t feel sleazy. *You won’t act sleazy. *You’ll be able to get lots of “successes” even if you’re not getting laid right away. *If a girl is rude, it’s not a blow to your ego. You STILL try to make her feel good, and excuse yourself politely. Or you make a joke about it if one comes to you. This is what guys who are actually successful with women do. If she’s not fun, you leave because she’s not fun and not making you feel good. And your head is held high.
8. What do all guys who get laid have in common?
They have lots of fun. Regardless of if you are or aren’t having fun, you should look like you are – So smile a BIG SMILE whenever you’re out. If you feel cheesey – good. I STILL, years later, think I look cheesey when I put my biggest smile on, and I still get 10x the results when smiling. It’s empirically proven, yo.
9. When you approach, make it in a fashion that shows interest in her. The nice thing about this is that you won’t screw up with girls that like you because of the way you look and move around the room. There’s a way to play the get-her-chasing card, and it can be good game. Just… the learning curve on it is a little steeper. Want to get laid in the next month or two? Be generally complimentary.
10. Specifically, there’s five types of openers: Genuine interest, implicit direct, situational indirect, true indirect, nonverbal/playful. You want to use mostly the first two kinds. Genuine interest openers are non-cliche openers that express interest in something you genuinely like about her. A default format for one that always sounds spontaneous is:
“I saw you (doing what you’re doing) and I have to say (what you noticed and like about her look).”
It’s a really, really easy formula, but ALWAYS sounds spontaneous and uncanned, never like a pickup line. Fill in the first blank with her activity.
“I saw you standing here and… “I saw you sitting here and… “I saw you as you were walking by and… “I saw you leaning up against the bar and…
Fill in the second blank about what you like about her.
…I have to say you have the prettiest hair I’ve ever seen.” …I have to say you have a really cool funky style that I dig.” …I have to say you look fantastic.” …I have to say you have the most *dangerous* walk I’ve ever seen on a girl.”
Whatever you think. You can even find one compliment that you really like and always fill in the second blank with that.
“I saw you (doing what you’re doing) and I have to say you look really beautiful.”
If you want to get laid in the next 30-60 days, this opener will work. The fact is, it’s harder to screw up than complicated, game-intense openers. If you’ve got the testosterone flowing from your workouts, tight cool clothing, you’re smiling, and you’ve got interesting stuff going on in your life, this will work no problem.
The first part of what you’re doing, btw, is pacing her, and it also makes you sound spontaneous since and very situationally relevant. The simple first part “I saw you…” is more important than the compliment.
Also I know a lot of guys can handle groups where they’re bored and looking around, but can’t handle groups where people are having lots of fun. Try this derivation of the above – “Hey, I saw y’all here laughing and cracking up – and I’ve gotta say, you guys look like the most fun group of people here.” Remember, big smile. Then introduce yourself to everyone, chat for 5-10 minutes, leave for 5-10 minutes, and come back.
Actually, I’ll explain what to right after opening… right now.
11. After opening, introduce yourself to everyone, chat for 5-10 minutes, leave for 5-10 minutes, and come back.
Just kidding. Well half-kidding. Here’s the deal.
*Introduce yourself RIGHT AWAY, ALMOST ALWAYS. There’s a lot of high-level advantages to not introducing yourself right away, especially on the compliance side. If you’re out to start a cult, never introduce yourself. But if you want to get laid very soon, introduce yourself right away. The #1 thing this does is lets people know you enough that you’ll get some respect later, instead of being “just another guy in the club”. Put this way – You’re far less likely to catch flak or disrespect if you’re introduced to everyone, which makes things simpler and leads to more sex sooner, if your goal is to get real results in the near future.
*After you talk to people for a while, don’t try to suck the life out of the group and stick like glue to them. But when you leave, it’s VERY IMPORTANT that you don’t say anything that sounds like a blowoff line. Most guys who aren’t getting laid don’t know how to leave without sounding like he’s telling the girls to piss off, because whenever he’s had girls leave they’re often… well, you know.
So, when you leave, use something like this: “Hey, I’m going to go scout around for a while, but I’ll catch you in a bit.”
AVOID:
“nice meeting you” “bathroom” “get a drink” “meet my friends”
Any of these are okay… sometimes… but avoiding them won’t hurt you. The problem with those 4 things are they’re commonly used blow-offs. There’s a way to say any one of those, especially if it’s true, but “scout around” is non-traditional so it won’t sound like a blowoff, it’s honest so they won’t get freaked out if they see you walking around without looking for you if they really like you, AND THE GIRL WON’T WAIT FOR YOU AND FEEL DEJECTED WHEN YOU DON’T COME BACK. This actually happens more than you’d think, but girls are better at playing it off and won’t bring it up like a guy will. So go off to scout around.
*When you come back, greet them like old friends. Don’t say, “You again!” or anything like that. That makes you non-friends. Just walk up, like you would to friends, and say “What’s happening”. Or something along those lines – Very familiar, nonchalant.
The formula is simple if people are unfriendly or uncool. Don’t come back to them. Still politely excuse yourself with “I’m going to go scout around a bit. Maybe I’ll catch you in a bit.”
12. Get compliance.
This is one of the most important steps. Do lots of this –
Push the envelope, make her work. Try to get her to do things for you. Simple things. “Here, hold this, I’ll be right back” and hand her your drink. Go to the men’s room. Come back. Retrieve your drink. Thank her for holding it.
Drink sips of her drink. Move her around the club to meet people. Have her introduce you to people. Et cetra. Make her DO STUFF. What stuff isn’t that important. It can be refined in time. Just make her DO ANYTHING, with one quick exception…
13. Don’t be a horndog. If you NEED to get laid on any given night, your chances of getting laid go down drastically. Working out is great in that it makes you dominant and more aggressive, but tires you out so you don’t get that burning horny-got-to-do-something. Your body thinks you just killed a buffalo, so it cuts you some slack. Mighty nice of it.
So don’t try to grind her. Don’t try to make out with her. Et cetra. We’re going to escalate smoothly, and I’ll show you how momentarily. This will cost you some physicality (grinding, makeouts, etc.) and it will cost you some lays over the course of your life if you NEVER know when to go for it. But if you want to get laid in the next 30-60, easily, then lay off the instant gratification a bit.
14. Now, BECOME HER FRIEND, and SLATE HER INTO A FRIEND ROLE IN YOUR LIFE.
This will get you laid like crazy, if you can actually do it.
From now on, make your goal to become friends with girls. Treat like friends. Say the following lines liberally:
“You’re such a good friend.” “It’s nice to become friends with you.” “I feel like a better person around you.” “You bring out the best in me.” “I dig your friends – they’re my kind of people.” “I’m glad you got along so well with my friends, that’s really cool and important to me.” (after she meets your friends, regardless of if she gets along with them or not) “It’s nice to have friends like you.” “I feel really comfortable around you.” “Oh, you’ve GOT to meet my friend (female name). You and her would get along FAMOUSLY.”
Guys are afraid of winding up in LJBF land. They don’t realize who gets put there – loser horndogs who try to escalate at the wrong times. Do girls who are hanging out with cool guys, who are super-chill and having lots of fun, tell the guy, “Let’s just be friends” No! Never! LJBF is a direct result of shitty escalation. Trying to actually become her friend will never result in LJBF.
At the same time, treat her like a buddy. Call her sometimes just to call her. Shoot her random fun texts. Listen to her. Actually listen. Learn about her. Do fun stuff with her like you’d do with your friends. If you play video games with your friends, invite her to play video games with you. If you do jello shots with your friends, invite her to do jello shots with you and the gang. Do whatever you do with your friends – with her.
15. Whenever you’re having fun with a girl (and you should always cut and run whenever you’re not having fun for an extended period) your goal is to keep having fun for as long as logistically possible. So until one of you has something that stops you two from being together, keep hanging out. Don’t try to leave at a high point (there are advantages to doing it, sometimes, but for now stick with spending as much good time with her as possible).
This doesn’t mean stay in the same place with her. Move her around. It’s ESPECIALLY important that if you’re in a bar or nightclub that you leave BEFORE last call. There’s times not to, but 9/10 times, especially in clubs, the vibe gets a buzzsaw taken to it when the lights come on. Leave before that happens, with her, to get pizza or hit a diner or an after-hours joint or party or whatever.
16. If and when logistics prohibit going further, THEN you can take contact information. But here’s the deal – Numbers aren’t worth ANYTHING. What you’re looking to do is MEET THE GIRL again. So, you first suggest an activity to do together, then when she agrees, dictate how to get her contact info.
YOU decide, you’re the man, show some balls and leadership and delegate. So don’t say “How will we get a hold of each other?” because she’s going to suggest stupid stuff like myspace at least 20% of the time. So say, “Wow I’m having a blast with you. (her: me too) A cool new exhibit just opened up at PSOne and I’ve been meaning to check it out. You should come with. (her: sounds fun) Cool, got a number I can reach you at?”
After you get her number, do this always: Here, I’m going to hit dial on my phone so my number shows up on your caller ID. Hit dial on your phone, but DO NOT RAISE IT TO YOUR EAR. Just hold it in front of you. She’ll probably take her phone out of her purse, then make sure you can spell each other’s names.
17. Text her before you ever call her.
A good text is fun, short, and doesn’t ask for a response or ask a question. I’ve been texting a girl back and forth on and off for a week now and we haven’t called each other yet. She texted me “hi hon. whats up”.
I wrote back, “My ex gf just emailed me saying she misses me and theres a hole in her heart since i left. poor girl. dont know what to write. :\”
This is actually true in my life, and just an example. But yeah, she called after that, and that first thing she asked was, “Who broke up with who?” Nosy fucking girls. (“I broke up with her.” “Why?” “I don’t know.” “What do you mean you don’t know?!? You don’t know why you broke up with a girl?” “Well… We do stuff for lots of reasons y’know? I guess… I thought we’d both be happier if we weren’t together.” – was the rest of the beginning of the conversation, for the curious)
Make sure you text her within 2 days of meeting her, tops. Same day or early next day are both good.
18. Send her texts once a day until she responds. Skip a day here and there. If she doesn’t respond after 5-6 texts across 10 days, wait a week and text again.
19. Once she texts you back, keep it short and sweet some more. Don’t answer her questions, write what you want to write. Make it vaguely relevant to the conversation. Or even not.
20. When you talk, talk as friends for a bit. Don’t try to make plans until at least the second time you talk to her on the phone, unless she’s really hurting to or asking about it.
21. When you make plans, it should fall into one of two categories – Laid back hanging out, or her tagging along with you. Remember Vinny’s Three C’s of Dating:
*Cheap: Inexpensive *Convenient: For you, in terms of time and effort *Conversation: Be able to converse during it
That pretty much rules out dinner and a movie… Make all your dates such that if she doesn’t show up at all, it’s no inconvenience and doesn’t even suck.
Remember to maintain all the earlier stuff on your date. Be positive, treat her as a friend, make her do things and get compliance from her.
Now… you’re in good shape.
At this point, you’re a person that’ll appeal to at least some women, you can meet women in social environments, and you know what to do on dates. You’re being laid back, you’re not pushy, you’re very chill. Zenlike. In fact, you’re being precisely Zen – In the moment. You’re not focused on getting tail or acting like a loser who hasn’t been laid since the 70’s.