A few thoughts on this.
First, guys will attribute flaking to a lack of attraction. I disagree with this line of thinking. Girls go into state, and forget about it down the line. In fact, most of what occurs while a girl’s buying temperature is escalated will be forgotten by the girl. They become disassociative and cognitive dissonance kicks in.
Have you ever noticed that whatever drama happens the night you meet a girl will be forgotten if you wind up dating? It’s because nothing that happens while she’s in state counts to her. That’s also why we don’t bother worrying about whether or not a girl has a boyfriend. She becomes disassociative when she’s attracted, so it’s not relevant to the interaction.
That being the case, there are a few tendencies that guys in the scene have, that I think are wrong-headed:
1- Calling a girl on her bullshit for flaking in a way that isn’t cute or fun, or in a way that sounds angry or like you actually care. In my experience, the only girls who respond to that are the types who respond to this sort of behaviour in general, which is a certain type of girl that is not the majority.
2- Putting the girl in a position where she has to call you back or its over.
3- Refusing to follow up with girls who don’t make it easy to meet up with them again by, and thinking that you’re somehow ‘NEXTing’ them.
4- Thinking that all value is strictly conveyed in person, and that it is a bad idea to talk for a long time on the phone because it makes you look needy. Not that you *need* to call long. But rather, call as long as you feel like. Calibrate so as to hang up before she gets bored, but enjoy the interaction as long as you want. It’s just that much more comfort building, and is only taking you that much closer to the endzone.
5- Giving up if the girl stands you up, because you think she isn’t attracted.
For me, there are a few things that I’ll do when it comes to the phone. First, if a girl flakes me, I’ll tease her on it in a funny way. I never get angry or look genuinely upset about it. I never focus on reasoning with them logically.
I also don’t give up if a girl doesn’t call back. At the same time, if they say they’ll call back I’ll say I don’t get upset like I know they won’t. I’ll just say “OK cool.” and give them the chance. But then if they don’t call back when they said they would, I’ll call back a bit later and just re-initiate the conversation as if I don’t even remember that they didn’t follow up.
Now when it comes to the idea that “if a girl disrespects me I’ll NEXT her”, that isn’t my frame at all. To me, you can’t NEXT a girl who you haven’t slept with. In my view, that’s just her NEXT’ing you. It’s only a girl that I’m already with that I’ll do this to if she annoys me or crosses my boundaries.
No Responses