Excellent post by Maddash on Inner Game. This will definitely put you in the right frame of mind.
I make no excuses for my desires as a man. I move through this world without apology. I like to satisfy women. I don’t need any particular woman, I am not needy. Women are abundant. I do not supplicate to women because they find it unattractive. Rejection is a good thing. The more I get rejected, the more I will get laid. I learn something every time. Every rejection becomes a brick in my palace. I do not dwell in the past. The past can not be relived, good or bad. I have a wide range of options in how I choose to react to other people. Thechoice is mine.
Attitude – Part 1
You have to want this more than ANYTHING. If you don’t, there’s no point in going on.
Confidence says – Hey, I’m something pretty special that’s worth a close look. I know this based on my preparation, skills, and past successes.
Cockiness says – And I’m so confident, I can walk right up to you and have a good chance at winning you over. Oh, and while I’m a nice guy, I’m not worried about what I say to you or messing up. If you thought the ball was in your court, think again.
Arrogance says – You are inferior, if you don’t give in to me, you are an idiot.
Confidence is great. A little cockiness is sometimes attractive. Arrogance is not.
If you present her with the Publisher’s Clearing House check and she slams the door in your face, then move on. Guess what? You still have the check in your hands! Give it to some other fine woman who appreciates it!
Confidence is not something you think about, it is the way you are. It is a state of mind, a character trait. Ideally you feel so good and natural about it that the word “confidence” never pops up in your mind. The only way to develop confidence is to talk to as many HBs as possible, without any intention of PU. Talk to them, say ‘hi’, say ‘are you having fun?’, say ‘Hi, are you the sort of person I should get to know better? Yes? Why?’. Then walk away. That WILL build CONFIDENCE.
The alpha male is dominant. He’s not an asshole. He’s the guy who chooses women. He’s having fun and he’s confident. The alpha male isn’t a condescending jerk.
Model the alpha male. What are his qualities? To me, an alpha male is:
Qualities of the Alpha Male
Is “The Man”Hard to pleaseUnemotional, slightly serious. Gives smiles and laughs as rewards.Talks slowly, deliberately. Enunciates.Doesn’t ask for things.Is not afraid that others might not like him. Yet, is likable.Is busy …… and ends conversations, dates, etc. They are not ended for him.Is comfortable hanging with hot women.outgoinguninhibitedforwardrisk-takingMotivated to pick up
The alpha male doesn’t ask permission. And he doesn’t give options.
Keep trying. If you give up easy, this isn’t for you.
You are moving forward on the path to Fulfillment. The only reason you are moving forward is because you are trying. Mistakes mean nothing in the end! If she rejects you, she has taught you something. There is no failure, only learning.
Try multiple girls, you will get blown out. Keep working on the same one until you C&B, then NEXT her. But remember:
persistence = desire = strength Stalking = neediness = weakness.
Work every day at this!
Keep trying. There will be plenty of failures. You are pushing past the edge of your comfort zone. You are living 100%, unlike most guys out there who have learned “their place”.
Never think about how long it will take. Do not worry about results. Just keep pushing past the edge, and the edge will move farther and farther away. One day you will be a different person.
Don’t hold on to your bad habits out of pride or a need to be right. Take criticism graciously and if it’s valid, accept it.
If something isn’t working for you, analyze why and try to find the right solution. Try again until you get it or find a good reason to give it up.
Watch her reactions to your words and body language. What is she feeling? What is her body language saying? What are the feelings behind the facts she presents to you?
Attitude – Part 2
Humor, Playfulness, Fun and Comfort
You should be in a relaxed state – have fun with the pickup. Just talk to her, don’t be anxious or edgy or force things. Your sense of humor will rub off. You are going to get blown out a LOT. Get used to it. Enjoy it.
Never get stressed out, discombobulated or worried that things aren’t going right or perfect. Always remain calm, relaxed and reactive in positive way to any challenges. Always act in a slow, calm, powerful manner. Don’t react when she gets mad, just smile and chill out for awhile while she steams. When you talk to her again, just keep smiling, don’t act like a dick, but don’t supplicate to her either. If you didn’t do anything wrong, then there’s no need to apologize for anything.
One day, you will have your choice of the women that you desire. Imagine this day, savor the feeling, feel the confidence flowing through you, and then see yourself picking up beautiful women. At the same time, forgetting what confidence is, forgetting the “rules”, not thinking about it – just doing it.
All of this means nothing if you don’t go out there every day and try it. Try again and again. Have fun with it, just play around. The people around you aren’t looking down at you – they are envious of you, that you are so outgoing and free. They wish they could do what you are doing. Imagine yourself picking up a girl in a restaurant in front of 10 astonished people!
Diamonds and Gold
Women like diamonds (romance, dinners, etc). Men like Gold (sex). If two people come together, and she demands all the diamonds and never gives any gold, then he’s going to walk away unhappy. Same goes for her. So never give the diamonds without getting some gold in return.
The Law of Requisite Variety
If Person A has X reactions to a situation and Person B has X+1 reactions, Person B will control the situation.
Therefore you must anticipate as many reactions to your routine as possible, in order to guide the outcome of the situation. NEXT should be the very last resort when you are stumped.Basics – Part 1
Practice smiling. Find other alpha males and emulate the way that they smile at women. Smile at crowds. Most guys walk around in a crowd with scowls on their faces, or at best, a blank stare. Think about it – if you are the alpha male, if you have your choice of women in the crowd, you are going to be a pretty happy guy.
On the other hand, don’t take it too far. Your smile should be animated and definitely not constant. Don’t freeze it on your face.
Way too many guys have monotone voices, speak too quietly, or too quickly. Practice slowing down your voice, inserting interesting pauses in your sentences. Practice talking less but saying more. Practice slightly modifying the tone of your voice up or down (slightly is the key word here). Know what you are going to say before you say it. Don’t say Um.
Stage 1 of kino is using your hands to briefly touch her to establish rapport and intimacy. Be gentle, don’t grope your target. This is best taught by example … I like to start off a story by saying something like … “oh, get this (tap her gently on the shoulder) … the funniest thing happened to me today…” Practice timing your light brushes with the emotions you raise in your routines. If you mention sex in a story (“and so-and-so said to her, what if I were to kiss you right here?”) then touch her in a certain spot. This is anchoring an emotion to a peculiar touch. Later, you can touch her there to induce the emotion (works better over time).
Mystery likes to brush a woman’s hair with his hand. Style likes to grab the back of their neck and put his fingers through her hair (later stage, if you do this 2 minutes after meeting a girl, it will generally get you in trouble. Unless you are Style.)
Stage 2 is push and pull kino. This is where you put your hand around her waist and gently push her away to “punish” her (for example, if she gives you a shit test) and pull her in to “reward” her for good behavior.
This is very subtle stuff, but you can practice it for weeks and never stop learning new things.
Touch as much as possible.When greeting a girl for a date, you MUST get a kiss on the cheek and a hug.Push and Pull her. Rock her. Push as a subtle neg/retreat. Pull her close.Eye Contact
This was very tough for me to learn. Go out, and practice making and sustaining eye contact with strangers. It is very unnatural at first. Some women seem born with an innate ability to stare down a stranger. Practice until you can out-stare a strange girl at a bar. Don’t creep anyone out. Staring should be seductive, interesting, light and playful. The eyes convey emotion. EC is not merely a mechanical exercise. Again, this is something that is best learned by watching someone who is good at it for a few minutes.
Always make eye contact, except when discussing something “bad”, like her boyfriend. Maintain eye contact until she looks away. She must smile, or say hello, or look away.
Mirroring builds rapport, but takes a little practice to seem natural. Watch boyfriends and girlfriends in conversation and notice how they mirror each other. Practice mirroring.
One key mirroring move is to notice the direction that your target’s feet are facing when they are talking to you. If her feet are facing 90 degrees, there’s no rapport. As you involve her in conversation, her feet and toes (and thus, her body) will begin to point in your direction. If you have her completely facing you, that’s an IOI. This becomes a more advanced trick later. When talking to your girl, use kino to shift her body towards you and keep on with your routine. This will suddenly shift her into rapport with you. I do this when I read a girl’s palm … “oh sure, I can read your palm” (grab her far hand with one of mine and pull it over, turning her towards me) … “oh, it says you’re a virgin, is that right?” (stupid joke disguises fact that I removed the body block and opened her up to rapport).
Drinking dulls your edge and makes you appear stupid. Cultivate an outgoing, charming, and humorous personality while sober.
More than one drink generally doesn’t help. It will bring down inhibitions, but too quickly leads to sloppiness of body and mind. If you just want to drink with the boys, then don’t try to PU at the same time.
Basics – Part 2
Supplication literally means to humbly ask for something. Avoid supplicating to women. The best way to have her fulfill her requests is to influence her so that she wants to do them.
Once you demonstrate to a woman that she can manipulate you, she loses all sexual attraction for you and designates you as a pawn.
Hand in hand with this is apologizing. Rarely apologize for your actions.
Arguing is unattractive. Find ways to agree with what she says. If she’s disagreeable, punish her with a takeaway or a NEG. If she continues to be disagreeable, find another set.
Don’t bring up your problems, it’s unattractive.
Almost as important, don’t discuss her problems with her – if you discuss her problems, you become one of them.
Be Vague and Mysterious
Women respond positively to the Unknown. Do not reveal too much about yourself!!! Avoid answering questions about work, age, your astrological sign, even your name for as along as possible. She will fill the details in with her most desired traits.
Respond with a smile.
This is advanced Kino. Watch for the emotions you are eliciting in her. When she’s happy, touch her on the elbow. When she’s horny, touch her on the knee. When she’s excited, touch her neck. Do this three times for each spot. Then the feeling is anchored there. You can also anchor with verbal expressions (see “So how much do you like me NOW?”)
You might not make use of this for awhile, but you need to know what it is for when you’re ready.
As stated above in “Supplication”, never explain yourself or try to convince a woman of anything.
Instead, embed what you want them to think/feel about you in your speech. Sometimes, it is indirect (“so if you were to meet an ambitious, successful guy who respects you and treats you like a princess, then you would get pretty turned on, huh?”), sometimes direct (“So you think I’m pretty funny, you keep laughing at what I say. So then, you must think I’m pretty interesting, too?”).
Patterns can be quite powerful and if done properly, she will end up internalizing what you tell her. A sign of success is when she repeats your phrases back to you, sometimes days later.
This is related somewhat to suggestive speech, such as poetry and short stories.
A NEG is not an insult. It is a statement intended to subtly undermine her self-esteem while covering your tracks with a grudging compliment. You are teasing her. The effect is to show disinterest. Smile when you give NEG her. This works amazingly well on 9’s and 10’s. It doesn’t work so well on 7’s and 8’s and should be generally avoided with them. NEG’ing takes some practice to know when and how much to do it. Everyone makes mistakes and blows sets doing it, but after awhile you’ll get great at it.
NEG her if:
She has a bitch shield She is incredibly hotHer interest level is dropping off
These are all good NEGS if she starts testing you:
I bet you have a real cute side somewhere. You just don’t show it..When she responds to something, say, “Oh, so you’re one of THOSE….”(Afterwards, you can say “now I see what I’m dealing with.”) If she resists this neg, use the NL9 line: “Oh, so then you are one of those people who don’t like to be categorized.” “Are those nails real? No. Well they still look good, I guess.” “Is that your real hair? It looks neat, it’s like a waffle.” “Weren’t you wearing that dress the last time you were here?” (if she answers no, then: oh, must’ve been some other girl them. Looks better on you though!)“Oh … sick … you just spit on me!”“You blink a lot”“Look … your nose wiggles when you talk … that’s really cute!” “I don’t think we should get to know each other.” “Why?” “You are just too nice of a girl for me.”“Do you find that your bitchy behavior makes people like you more?”
These are good negs that are safer to use on 8’s. They are meant to tease her a little.
I think I loved you *pause* before you turned out to be such a freak. (smile)I like you better when your silent!(smile)For such a pretty girl you sure are mentally disoriented!Or if she is talking about something I pretend I’m searching for something on her body. Then if she goes : “what? ” I say : where is your button so I can shut you off.. you are silly (with a smile).Don’t you think we are going to get married young lady if you keep on being so silly.
When I see her I go like “oh no! not her again” (and pretend I don’t want to see her) (Everyone does this one, avoid it. I’m just mentioning it so you don’t do it)BIG NEGS: (Use in case of emergency only):
Well, at least you’re lucky enough to have a good body.No really, I’ve seen uglier girls.So are you a bitch to everybody, or just people cooler than you?So are you drunk or just plastered?
Remember: the purpose of a neg is not to insult. It is to show disinterest by being inadvertently critical, while at the same time demonstrating a good personality. It is teasing, flirting.
These are not NEGs:“Bitch”“Lesbian”
Provide a challenge for women… this is very important. Just like men, women need challenge and they need to feel like they are working for something. It increases your value in her eyes if she’s had to work hard to get you and to keep you. (Thanks in10se)
Scarcity increases value. Don’t answer every phone call, don’t see her every day, don’t be available every day. Be busy and unavailable, let her wonder what you are doing!
Never ever show jealousy. Encourage her to talk to other guys. Tell her that “you two” would make a cute couple in a trailer somewhere. Ask if you can come to the wedding and laugh. If you begin to get jealous, she has a hook into you that she can control you with! This is a very dangerous thing with a 10.
Good Luck, guys. Remember this is about rebuilding your personality and becoming a better person than who you are today. 75% character + 25% tactics.