It seems there are a number of factors that will typically enable an individual to carry on a seemingly endless, engaging, and effortless conversation.
However, when I look back on my experiences, both within mASF and pre, the biggest area within which I think most can improve towards this capability is vibing – ie. knowing which questions to ask, when to ask them, and how to ground and share your own personality and experiences in doing so – on any topic a conversation might lead to.
Before mASF, my improvisational skill in this area was all I had to keep a conversation going. I was an AFC, so rarely got anywhere with it alone, but I could always sustain a good, interesting interaction and maintain interest nonetheless. Sarging over the past year I was surprised to recently notice my vibing skill actually starting to deteriorate – the product, no doubt, of the fallacy that only the girls should be asking the questions, not me; a shrinking perspective from over-relying on the consistently same routines in cold approach time and time again; and my forgetting that so much of PU is truly just about getting to know the girl on a personal level, and letting her do the same with you.
It is therefore no surprise to me that a common issue for guys on mASF is one of stalling or lack or escalation correctly – even when a player is becoming otherwise quite proficient in his game.
=================== TOPICS: ===================
I’ve put together this list together from what stands out of my lifetime of vibing experience, and since doing so, I’m already noticing myself back to better than ever. Questions included in this vibing framework were designed to roughly cover the gamut of almost all typical topics a PUA or any individual, for that matter, might be interested in engaging a target along, including:
– logistics – ambitions – priorities in life – values in terms of friendship, family, and connection – personality type – day to day habits – preferences and abilities in a wide array of areas – childhood and formative experiences – romantic and sexual triggers
=================== MAKING IT WORK: ===================
To the vibing illiterate, I can’t say this clearly enough – THE QUESTIONS BELOW ARE NOT ENOUGH TO GET MUCH DONE BY THEMSELVES. Vibing means sharing of the conversational load, not a Q&A session. What provides the potential for making each question interesting are:
1) her answers 2) your replies to those answers 3) the stories you then choose to tell 4) the topics you then segue into from each inquiry
RE: #1: To better investigate her answers, which may be sparse at times, for all question on the list, natural follow ups to elicit greater responses are always those along the lines of:
– Why is that? – What are your thoughts on X? – How does that make you feel? – What is it about X you enjoy/dislike? – If you could change X or have it differently, what might you prefer? Why?
If you want a full picture of how this sort of thing plays out, as you read, imagine any number/variations of these and your interspersed comments being applied to each question.
RE: #2 & 3 As far as your responses go, they should range from negs to busts to commonality/vulnerability sharing stories. Stay flexible. Your comments and replies should depend on what you calibrate will provide the best boost in BT while still remaining congruent with who you are and conveying what you would like to project about yourself. Feeling conflicted? Don’t. Consider: Like a willow tree that sways so greatly in the wind, yet maintains among the deepest and strongest roots of all trees, so too can you bend and adapt while keeping firmly in tact your personal integrity. It all just takes some finesse.
RE: #4: Most people are familiar with the 6 degrees of separation. The same premise applies for segueing. No matter what subject you are on, if you are familiar enough with your topics, it should be easy enough to change gears or phase shift with the right questions and anecdotes.
Calibrate and escalate.
=================== EXERCISE: ===================
To anyone seeking to tighten their vibing, I strongly recommend copying and pasting the questions below out and then writing personal answers and stories for each (I’ve deleted mine for privacy). Consider how they link. You can havefull control over pre-mapping steps #2-4 well in advance.
If you do, the next time a given topic comes up, you may notice you have a lot more to say and are far more capable of eliciting better emotional responses and continued, more connected interaction. Doing so can easily provide the requisite suggested 7 hours of material, or literally hundreds of hours if you felt so inclined to reach even deeper.
=================== THE FRAMEWORK: ===================
The subheadings are loose, and, although they roughly follow some pattern of escalation, there is no set order. This is where your calibration and experience again come into play.
————————– Logistics ————————–
Where do you live? How far? With parents, friends, roommates?
How old are you?
————————– Goals and Hobbies ————————–
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Do you have any hobbies? (If no, “what do you do in your spare time then?” if they have no spare time, next them…. they’ve got no time for you either)
Who do you spend the most time with?
What do you like doing more than anything? Like if you could be paid to do anything in the world (including professional couch potato or cake eater or whatever), what would it be?
If you could be anyone or do anything in the world for one day, what would it be?
What’s the best/worst job you’ve ever had?
Are you rich? Do you plan to be? I’ve been looking for a good sugar momma to take care of me.
What’s your proudest accomplishment?
————————– Priorities ————————–
What’s matters most to you – friends, family, career, or guys?
Win lottery, what spend it on?
Is money important?
If you died today what would you miss most? What would you be saddest about not being able to do in the future?
————————– Friends ————————–
What kind of crowd do you hang out with these days? What are your friends like?
Do you keep friends for long? Are you still close with high school / university friends?
Do you have a best friend? How long have you known her?
What’s important for you for someone to be a good friend?
————————– Personality typing ————————–
In a word, what would you describe yourself with? How do you think your friends would describe you?
If they bottled your personality what would it be called?
A new law says you have to change your name to match your personality. What shall we call you from now on?
If you were to be any animal what would you be and why?
Are you the ‘adventurous type’?
How often do you do new things or make plans and follow through on them?
If you were going to change your name, what would you make it?
When’s/what’s the most you’ve ever driven over the speed limit?
What female celebrity would you most like to be? Which do you relate most to and why? If they made a movie of your life, who would you want as the lead?
Who do you relate more to – Betty or Veronica? Which are you after – Archie, Reggie, or Jughead?
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
Do you tend to favour change and variety or reliable consistency?
————————– Philosophy ————————–
What do you live your life by – what’s your motto?
On the bumper sticker of your life, it would say, “honk if you’re (a) ___”
If your life was a movie, what would it be rated? What genre?
If you were in a Western, on your “WANTED” poster, what would be your crime?
If you could have one magical power, what would it be and how would you use it?
What in life do you fear? Not including silly phobias, like re: 50 years from now what do you think of?
What do you think most about / matters to you most – the past, present, or future?
Swimming in a cold pool – do you wade/creep in slowly, or jump? What about bandaids – fast or bit by bit?
This glass – half empty or full? (drink it)
Are you a giver or a taker?
What do you think life would have been like if you were a guy? What would you like most/least about being the opposite sex?
————————– Day to day ————————–
Shower or bath? Cold or hot; long or short?
Morning or night?
On average, how late do you run?
Alarm clock – how many snoozes a day?
Sleeping – Snorer? Flailer/Thrasher? Nightlight? Smotherer? Sleep walker? Midnight snacker?
Would your roommates more describe you as a neat freak / germophobe or a bit on the sloppy side?
Do you like to drive? Worst offence / horror story?
Phobias? Spiders, millipedes? Snakes? Planes?
————————– Partying ————————–
What do you get like when you’re inebriated?
When was the first time you got really hammered?
Weed? Hard drugs?
Have you ever been thrown out of any bars for ‘disorderly conduct’?
Who holds your hair back when you’ve had a few too many?
What was the closest you ever came to being arrested?
What are some of your favourite clubs? Do you have any good connections?
What’s the craziest party you’ve ever been to and what happened?
————————– Food ————————–
Do you cook? What’s your best dish? KD doesn’t count.
What’s the primary staple of your diet?
What’s your worst temptation? Like your kryptonite of food?
If you could have anything right now what would it be?
Chocolate or vanilla?
Salty or sweet?
Vegan, vegetarian, or organic?
————————– Seasonal ————————–
Nature lover? Hikes?
Favourite holiday? Christmas and family – big deal? Halloween and what wear? Wildest New Year’s?
————————– Sports/activities ————————–
Have you ever broken any bones?
Have you ever needed stitches?
What’s the most daring stunt you’ve ever pulled? Sky diving?
When’s the last time you went on a good roller coaster and felt your stomach just drop out beneath you?
————————– Music/Movies/TV ————————–
What’s your favourite kind of music?
What’s your favourite CD?
What’s the last concert you saw?
What’s the most embarrassing CD you’ve ever owned?
Did you ever play a musical instrument? Well?
What genre of movies? Scariest movie you’ve seen?
————————– Fashion/Style ————————–
Favourite place to shop?
If you were granted unlimited funds, what would you splurge on?
Do you get buyer’s remorse?
What’s the scariest single thing in your closet?
What’s your favourite item of clothing?
Are you one of those girls that needs an entire closet for her shoes because she has 80 pairs? Are you one of those girls that wants to need an entire closet for her shoes because she WISHES she had 80 pairs?
What’s your most embarrassing HAIRSTYLE you’ve ever had? When did you sport? What did it look like?
Tattoos, piercings, or neither?
What do you like your style to project about you as a person?
————————– Family ————————–
Which of your relatives are you closest with? Who understands you the most/best? Who do you miss the most when you go away? When did you miss them most?
If you weren’t feeling well, who would be there to take care of you?
What sort of role do you play in your family?
Who’s the strict one in your family? Who helps you slip everything by?
Who in your family would you most like to be closer to?
Who’s the annoying one? ie. On your family trips, who’s the first to say “Are we there yet?” or start poking people?
Who’s your funniest relative?
What’s your family like at get togethers?
If you were / could be a sitcom family, which would you be in?
How far back can you trace your roots/ancestors?
Do you like little kids?
Siblings? What were the worst and best things about having them around?
————————– Pets ————————–
Are you an animal lover? Not that kind of loving. Geez. What country do we live in?
What’s the first pet you ever had? What was the weirdest pet you ever owned? Most affectionate pet?
Dogs or cats?
————————– Regression ————————–
What were you like as a kid?
Were you a troublemaker? I bet you tried to be totally badass.
Were you more likely to get dirty in the mud or host a dainty tea party? Tomboy or priss?
Which one – teddy bears or dolls? Did you have a favourite? What was its name? What did he/she look like? Do you still have him/her today?
What childhood toy do you most wish you could get back?
What were you most likely to run around the house pretending to be?
Did you ever belong to a clubhouse (like ‘girls only’)?
Video games? Even when you were a kid? Extra points if it was NES … Duck Hunt?
What summer camp did you go to or what did you do with your summers as a kid?
You know that nursery rhyme thing – “this little piggy went to market ..” How did that go? I don’t know how but I can’t remember… Do itsy bitsy spider on arm
Do you remember your tongue twisters? What’s the hardest one you learned? You know there are advantages to having that kind of oral dexterity. I mean you can speak better of course. 5 times fast.
Did you clown around a lot? What’s the goofiest face you can make?
————————– Growing up ————————–
What was your most ‘awkward’ ie. geekiest age and why?
If you could go back in time what advice would you give yourself? / what would you tell yourself?
Do you remember your first school dances?
What’s the worst you ever cheated in school?
How have you changed most since you were a kid?
How have you changed most in the last five years?
Were girls ever attracted to cartoon characters growing up? What about GI Joe? Jessica Rabbit and/or Holly Wood from Cool World – too much stimulation for a 10 year old boy
————————– Holistic ————————–
Do you believe in ESP?
Do you read your horoscope?
Have you ever seen a psychic? Had a tarot/palm reading?
————————– Faith, life, and death ————————–
Are you religious, spiritual, or both/neither?
Do you ever wonder what happens after it all?
What’s the closest you ever came to dying?
Do you ever consider that it could all be over, or things could change, in a heartbeat just about any minute of any day?
————————– Travel/ worldliness ————————–
What’s the best place you’ve ever been?
If you were to live anywhere else in the world, where would you go?
What’s the longest road trip you’ve ever been on?
————————– Romance ————————–
Would you describe yourself as the romantic type?
Who was the first boy you ever had a crush on?
Have you ever been in love, like the big one – with a capital L? How did you know it?
Have you ever just met someone and yet somehow, felt almost like you’ve known them your whole life? Like it’s just that easy to relate to them?
What’s the 1st signal, the 1st recognition you get for yourself on the inside when you know you’re really, .. really .. attracted to someone?
What’s your idea of a dream date? Describe your dream romantic get-away.
Have you ever prepared a candlelight dinner?
Have you ever had/made breakfast in bed?
Have you ever picked up a guy before? Do you think you could? Would you? Show me your best moves.
What’s something nice your exes might say about you? Something not so nice?
————————– Her kind of guys ————————–
What kind of guys do you usually go for?
Who is your favourite celebrity? Which celebrity have you had a secret crush on?
In the movie of your life, who would play love interest? Who would play you?
If your perfect guy was an ice cream, what would he be called? Would you feel the need for sprinkles?
Who was your favourite Backstreet Boy? Or was he in N Sync? New Kids?
Who would you most like to be stuck in elevator with for 15 minutes? | Who’s shower curtain would you most like to be? | If it was your birthday, who would you most like to see jump out of your cake? (follow up to the last three is “and don’t say me – we just met.”)
Have you ever bought a guy flowers before? What have you bought?
What does your family think about your taste? Do you care?
Do you think Jesus would have been good in bed?
————————– Kiss ————————–
What was your first kiss like?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate yourself as a kisser?
Do Spanish/whatever girls’ lips sweet or bitter? Etc. Shall we find out?
Would you like to kiss me?
————————– Sex ————————–
Feathers or ice?
What’s the sexiest food for a date?
What’s your favourite body part? On you, not on me. I already KNOW that one …
Do you have a secret erogenous zone? Ears? Knees? Thighs?
Do you give good massages? Anyone can SAY they do. Show me some.
What’s the sexiest piece of clothing you own?
Have you ever been to a strip joint? Male or female? Did you get a lap dance?
If the world turned upside down and you decided you were going to dance at one, what song would you pick? What name would you use?
What do you find the sexiest job for a guy to have?
Thong, g string, or granny panties?
What do you think about the male body hair? Shave, wax, or trim? What about female? EVERYwhere..?
What’s the most exciting place you’ve hooked up with a guy? Where would you most fantasize about doing so in the future?
Imagine a flowing moving body of water, like a stream or a river. Is it fast or slow? Is it choppy and rough or gentle and smooth? (4 questions)
Dominant or submissive?
In your experience, is sex a good time for conversation? Vocal or quiet? Dirty talk, small talk, or none at all?
Have you ever had a one-night stand?