In the community you always here guys talking about their successes and their best moments, so much so that some PUAs are known as ‘that guy’ who did this one particularly spectacular pickup. What you don’t here people talking about are their failures although failures are what you really learn by. One particular failure was instrumental in my game and in my understanding of this topic in particular.
I was just starting teaching and the student I was with pushed me into a 15-set of 10s. At this stage I didn’t even game 9s but he put me up to the challenge and so I did it. I think I tried some lame ‘who lies more’ line and got totally blown out. I went back to my student and refused to admit I had failed so I went over and tried again. Yet again it was some stupid Mystery method line and I failed. I turned to look for my student and saw he was in-set with the very same 10s! He had just said ‘hi’ whilst I was trying my dumb openers. So I said to the girls ‘look, I teach guys about confidence and approaching women and I have literally no idea how to pick you guys up because you’re too hot. Can I just chill with you and see how other guys do it?’ So I sat down and joined them.
Next thing 5 other super-hot girls turn up and join the 15 (they were all models over from LA or something). I didn’t open any of them but they all came over, introduced themselves, opened me and gave me a kiss on the lips! I just didn’t understand why this happened for ages afterwards but eventually I figured it out. Think how it looks to them. They are socially savvy girls and they see me, someone they don’t know, as the only guy hanging out with all these other super-hot girls and must have thought I was someone pretty important – I could have been a model agent, a photographer, a celebrity they didn’t know, a rich guy – and they didn’t want to mistakenly treat me for someone insignificant. Later that night I made out with one of the 5 and a week later I f-closed her.
What is Frame Control?
So what is frame? Frame is your perception of an event. What is frame control? It is the ability to influence someone else understanding of an event. What you’re attempting to do in any situation is create frame resonance: where your perception and her perception are the same.
Frame resonance is a very powerful thing and their and 4 different ways to achieve it.
The first one is frame bridging. It’s called a frame bridge because it has a logistical problem that names to be solved so that two frames can connect. An example is you liking a girl, a girl liking you but her being the designated driver than needs to take her friends home. Now most PUAs would see this as a shit test and punish her, but actually the whole problem is solved by a £40 taxi fare to get all her friends home. Traditional game teaching you to see logistical issues are shit-test but you need to see things for what they are. In this case, it’s just logistics so stop crying about frames and just go fix it. As an aside: there are no ‘shit tests’ they are just objections. She’s not testing your manliness, she’s genuinely not convinced.
The second one is frame amplification. This is where you spread your frame around hers. Let’s say you ask a girl what her favourite position is and she says that she doesn’t have sex with someone unless there’s a bond. You think it’s a shit test so you could punish her or you could frame amplify. Instead you say ‘of course you have to have a bond with someone to have sex. So if you have a bond with them, what’s your favourite sexual position?’ You’ve simply increased your world to encompass hers.
Next is a frame extension. Here you add to what you said before to create resonance and build rapport. Let’s say you’re telling some girl you love scuba diving and rock climbing and she responds by saying ‘wow, I only go out clubbing’. Ordinarily you’d lose resonance because the activities seem so different. However you follow it up by saying ‘yeah, that’s what I mean, going out, doing stuff, having an active lifestyle. I do clubbing too as well as the rock climbing etc.’ And now you’ve extended your frame so that it meets hers and rapport is strengthened.
Last is my favourite: frame transformation. This is when what you’re thinking and what she’s thinking are so far apart that you can’t get to it. You’re in fundamental disagreement and there’s no way you’re going to be able to achieve resonance. I’ll give an example but the way to do it is to find a point in the future where your two frames could possibly meet and bring that scenario to the present. Okay, let’s say the girl sees you as a confidence alpha-male who all the women love and, as a result, thinks ‘this guy is trouble, I’m not touching him’. So you transform the frame and agree with her: ‘yeah, I know, it’s awful being seen as the alpha-male surrounded by pretty girls because no one takes you seriously. I’m looking forward to finding one girl who will see past all of the bullshit and really understand for who I am.’ Suddenly the whole situation is changed and you’re the guy who just wants love rather than the sexually conquering player.
What really makes the top PUAs stand out is frame control. I know this because I’ve taught it to most of them and they consistently tell me it changes, dramatically, and for the better, all of their game.