-What Matters and What Doesn’t-
How come it seems like the more some guys learn, the worse off they are with women?
Why is it that some of the nights when you are doing so well, you aren’t even thinking about all the stuff, like delivery and frame control, that is supposed to matter?
How come some guys can memorize pages upon pages of routines and openers, but never know the right thing to say?
There are five things that matter when you are talking to girls. These five things are pretty much what determines if you get laid or not. Most anything, in my opinion, can be lumped into one of these five categories.
These are the ONLY five things anyone needs to be working on until they can get laid without any routines, structure, etc. Things like really thinking about your body language, delivery, tonality, frame control, etc are harmful. If you can not confidently say you have these 5 things down all the time, then trying to add more complex stuff will only mess you up. I put down pointers on how to get these things down, work on those first and foremost.
To get these things down, use your common sense and stick to the basics. KISS: keep it simple stupid. Use the MINIMUM amount of ways to get good at them, even if this goes against what you think works.
Another thing is I get the idea that guys are thinking, “well if I just act normal that just lumps me together with every lame guy at the bar, and I won’t get laid!” This isn’t true. The average lame guy at the bar who isn’t getting laid isn’t being normal, either. He just does it by kissing up, acting weird, being boring, being uncomfortable, etc where other guys do it by spouting routines, trying to win the girl over, etc. Having these things lump you into the “cool guy who I want to fuck” category.
If you are not at least as cool as a “natural”, then this is exactly what you need to work on. Truly acting normal and truly being a natural are basically the same thing, just different ways to think about it. “Naturals” don’t try to impress people, they just act normal. Normal and natural are basically the same word.
-The 5 Things That Really Matter-
1 ACT NORMAL The absolute no doubt about it most important thing to getting laid. Without this, nothing else will work. This is easy, just be you. The problem comes up when you try to be someone else. Notice most the stuff is “Not, Don’t, Stop”, because you already have what it takes to be a “normal” or a “natural” once you believe it and stop trying to be something else.
– Not saying anything random or weird – Not making anyone uncomfortable – Not trying to impress anyone – Not trying to be someone you aren’t – Pretty much everything I covered in “asf is the new pua” post – Have other normal friends – Stop trying to add things to your game that make you weird – Be able to have normal conversations without using any asf stuff – Say what’s on your mind, but not everything. Don’t point out obvious stuff, be overly mean, try to be cocky, etc.
2 BE AND LOOK CONFIDENT Also very important, being confident is the main thing (other then being normal) that determines how much people like and respect you. People treat you how you act like you expect to be treated. If you confidently act like you are convinced that the girls should like you, they will. Ever notice how when you’re with some people, you are always joking around and having fun with them? Ever notice other people you just respect? Or people you always disrespect? You treat them that way because they act like they expect to be treated like that.
– Dress the way someone confident and proud of their body dresses – Don’t hesitate or be scared, to avoid this act before you have a chance to think – Be comfortable around people, even if this means “practicing” being around people – Lift weights – Play sports – Try new things – Join a club, frat, group, etc – Overcome old fears – Don’t overcompensate, be satisfied with yourself – Assume that everyone likes you or will like you once they get to know you – Act in a way that you expect to be treated like someone of high status – Move in a way a confident person moves (relaxed, chest out, head up looking straight forward) but don’t over think this either – Always focus on good stuff and expect the best, never run through your head negative “what ifs” – Ask yourself this: what would you do if you knew you could NEVER fail? If you’re like me, you probably answered, “well pretty much anything”. So decide what it means to fail and what it means to succeed. If to fail, all you have to do is not try, and to succeed you have to get some kind of result, have fun and learn something, then wouldn’t it be easy to do anything? – Realize that everything you are now good at, you once sucked at. Also realize that you are always capable of better then your best. What this means is let’s say one day you were out sarging and just did great, but most your nights you don’t get any results. The only difference was how you felt. – Have things you are passionate about. Also another big thing is improvement in all aspects (for me it’s weight lifting, boxing, basketball, being confident, looks, being smart, making money, acting, etc just goes on and on) and work on them all a little bit every day. The way I do this, I know that in enough time I will be great at all the things I put effort into. Now think about this, if someone told you that two years from know, you will be your ideal weight and muscle-size, be great at all the sports you love, have all the energy you wanted, be rich in all aspects including financially, have the girl of your dreams, etc, how would you feel? Would you really let people’s opinions of you NOW matter if you knew in two years how great life would be for you? Well if every day you put some improvement into things, notice if what you’re doing is working (and if it isn’t try something else), then it pretty much is a guarantee you’ll be good at it. – Appreciate yourself as an individual. Realize what makes you interesting isn’t some specific line or thing you do, it’s the personality you have.
3 BE SOCIAL Okay, here is the other most important step (step 4 and 5 are minor, they fall into place when 1-3 are in place). Actually I should rename it, “BE SOCIAL AROUND FRIENDS AND NEW PEOPLE”. You can be cool and normal but still not make new friends because you are not being social. There are lots of cool, normal guys who are happy with the friends they have so they don’t try to be super social around new people, but since the name of the game is meet new people, this is very important. Be friendly around new people and they will be friendly back.
– Talk to new people often – Be at places other people hang out – Say hi to people – Introduce yourself to people – Ask people interesting questions – Go places to meet people – Don’t stay at home playing fucking computer games or always on asf
4 BE INTERESTING WHEN APPROPRIATE This falls into place when 1-3 are there, but if you THINK 1-3 are in place but this isn’t happening, know that 1-3 probably aren’t really in place. I put when appropriate because you really don’t have to be interesting all that often. Don’t TRY to be interesting, that will make you a try hard. Actually BE interesting. Ask yourself, what makes someone interesting? What sort of things does an interesting person believe about themselves?
– Believe you are interesting – Do interesting stuff on your free time (sports, hobbies, watch movies, etc) – Be used to having conversations so this comes natural to you – Don’t think you always have to be teasing or telling stories, just act normal and you will be interesting enough to get laid
5 BE INTERESTED WHEN APPROPRIATE I put this because you can go out, be social, act normal, act confident, and be interesting but still never get laid just because you aren’t going for lays or numbers or kino. This just means, when it looks like the girl will be receptive of you flirting with her, start flirting. And gradually increase your flirting over time until you feel comfortable either kissing her or asking for her number, etc.
– Do kino (playful at first, is what I like to do) – Show interest when you can – Make a move – Be close to her (as in couple inches or touching) – Kino often when appropriate (hugs, high fives, pushing, etc) – Have good EC
That’s all. Just work on that and don’t over think or over analyze things. You got this so you have no more need to KJ! Go out and have fun!