In this excerpt from his Dynamic Sex Life e-book, Gun describes common social conditionings that impair pick-up. This is a very important post for Inner Game.
I just got you realizing how these things you might be conditioned with are negatively impacting your sex life.
Right here I’m going to go in to a short quick list of common possible similar ones that might be impairing you.
Going to straighten out your “internals” here. You see Many many “dating for morons” type of books list off 500 pages of “do this” “don’t do that’s”, many of them in conflict of course because the authors compiled the entire material from some magazine articles written by the very same “conditioners” you don’t want to be listening to in the first place.
What REALLY works is having your internal conditioning set right. Every action you take, every mental state you enter and show, every way you interact and every dynamic you introduce between you and a woman is going to be determined by your inner beliefs and being. Faking it just wont fly. The mask you put on will crumble at some point startling the woman you are interacting with in to the opposite state of mind about you that’s desired.
I have to get YOU actually thinking the right way about women, first and foremost. Why learn a bunch of bizarre tricks and tactics, when you can instead learn to actually be YOU and get the girl? Rhetorical question.
Link up any conditionings you may have that might be giving you similar problems as you go over the list.
SO now I’ll list off and explain some of these conditioned things that may be hurting you.
“Women don’t like sex, they only want money, romance, status, to look good, etc etc etc.”.
This conditioning as mentioned above, is just a tragedy of a thought process. THE FIRST thing you must realize is that women LOVE SEX. Biologically we do differ, but compulsion and physical drive for sex is just as important to women as it is to us. They LOVE sex.
The FIRST understanding and best realization is this one. It isn’t only YOUR conditioning you are dealing with, but HERS as well. See women don’t usually, though they do a lot more since 2000 or so, come right out with their desire for sex at a verbal level. They have the conditioning that “sex is for tramps and sluts” “sex should only be with a guy your know really well”. The balance between her attraction to you (don’t worry I teach you this) and her conditioning against sex is, “THE GAME” or the male to female dynamic.
Probably top number one fear in dealing with men for a woman is being thought of as “easy” or “a slut”.
Women enjoy sex more than men in truth. The studies and statistics say otherwise because women are outright conditioned to lie and say this, even when anonymously asked. It seems even in a “herd mentality” or evolutionary manner women have been trained to lie like this for the greater good of them all. What I mean is it seems they almost do this automatic, they don’t think to themselves “I want to deceive this person” they really seem to THINK they don’t like sex, YET FEEL that sex is their entire drive in life.
When we as men are made to feel inadequate we try to qualify ourselves and make up for it as “PAYMENT” for her “gift of sex to us”. We then say nice things to her and give her gifts and support her with our hard work. This is no conspiracy theory, it is just fact if you look beyond the television and what women SAY, but start to watch women’s actions. 99.99% of good-looking women ALWAYS have REGULAR sex, yet still say they don’t like it and that guys aren’t important to them. Stop and think for a moment why they would be doing this if what they say is true.
Women have rarely invented anything, lead a revolution, have many hobbies or talk much about anything that isn’t pop culture based. Women focus on makeup, hair, exercise and clothing to attract men better, relationships, dramatic television romance.
Look at male inventors, leaders, rulers, and innovators vs. the number of females in such endeavors. Go to a martial arts class, look at sports, look at business, and look at politics. The numbers are staggering of men in higher proportion in ANY field that isn’t sexually oriented or “more attraction” based. Aside from workplaces of neutral nature obviously, but in actual applied willpower to any area, chicks are all about sex. It is not MEN who “think with their genitals” as it’s claimed, it’s women.
I can already hear women reading this proving me right by saying I am a misogynist or don’t know what I am talking about because I insulted them. PROVING right there that they see themselves as “women”, their identity is “a woman”. Women with some passions in their life don’t see themselves as a “woman” just as men never see themselves as a “man” they are a “fighter” a “comedian” a “teacher”.
A woman can be a “mother” or a “writer” or a hell even a “soldier”. Women with an identity outside their gender aren’t offended when someone talks about “women”, just as men aren’t offended by talk of “men” because we usually have an identity outside our gender.
So KNOW that women are VERY scared of being thought of as a sexual fiend who not only wants us men same as we want them, but NEEDS our sex badly. To reveal this to men too often or too much is like breaking an unspoken untaught code amongst women.
Think back to high school, a big workplace or college. There was probably a fairly attractive maybe even stunning woman or girl there. Intelligent, fun to talk to, maybe even a real decent genuine human being. She would have easily been “one of the in crowd”. She fucked a couple guys though. Maybe just didn’t know the guys well. Maybe one guy she fucked was the boyfriend of the “top dog chick”. Whatever the reason, she is “out”. Basically thought of as lower than she is, less than she is as a person. Branded “lower” because of allowing her love of sex to go against social rules and conditionings.
Surely women fear this. Outright fear from what I’ve encountered, not just a passing “that would suck”, but REAL fear of it.
That’s just what can happen to her for acting on it without not only HER discretion, but the discretion of any who may be watching. Many women even repress their sexuality for fear of men not wanting them and branding them the same “slut” or “whore” that other women will. Just as many men repress their sexuality for fear of looking needy or desperate, or otherwise offending the “anti sexual conditioners”.
YIKES! Right? Don’t worry I will show you how to get around that.
But realize here, physically healthy normal women do like sex at a biological level just as much and sometimes more even than we do. They are just conditioned against it at spontaneous or promiscuous levels. Conditioned against making the first move sexually and are also conditioned to say they don’t enjoy it.
“Women only like jerks” “nice guys finish last” “girls only go for assholes”
As talked about above also this is bullshit.
This can be perceived by “nice guy culture” as an excuse for a poor love life and justified because they are such catchy sayings.
This is perceived only. An extension of conditioning 1 is all it really is. Many guys who are conditioned that women don’t like sex tend to then also not be sexual in nature to appease them.
Ends up in a giant fuckin loop.
“Well I wasn’t pushy with her, I wasn’t desperate or needy for sex” “she still didn’t have sex with me or even pay attention to me” “women must not like sex”.
This one can take years to get out of, abandon this shit right here right now.
This is ALL verbally based. Nothing you can be, or project or show sexually is “jerk”, nothing you can be or show or project is “needy”, “desperate” or “pushy”.
Ramming your pelvis in to hers upon first meeting (jerk)
Slapping her ass as she walks by (sexist jerk)
Hugging all over her on first sign of interest (needy)
Salivating and rubbing all over her (desperate)
Grabbing her arm and trying to make her get sexual with you (pushy).
Laughing or smiling cause she is emotionally disturbed (insensitive dickhead)
Obvious shit of course.
Other than blatant things like the above you would have to SAY Jerkish or needy things to convey them:
“quit talking about your sickly little brother I am sick of hearing it” as an example of jerk, or desperate things sexually “I know we just met but I haven’t had a woman in so long, please sleep with me tonight” as an example of needy.
In other words feel what you are. Feel your desire; don’t quell it for worry you’ll be thought of one way or another. Your actions and words are how you will be thought of (more on this later, lot more). Women can’t read your mind and tell what you are thinking, and even if they could, quelled sexuality would not be a turn on. This leads us to our next example.
“Chicks dig gay guys”
Or women say, “all the good men are gay”.
Yeah they SAY they like them. Remember above? Well they also by “the code” have to say they like a man who doesn’t care about sex. They even hang out with them. Hug them, give them kisses, dance with them, and leave the club with them. Probably sounds better than what you are getting right? But guess what! They don’t FUCK EM cause they are GAY. Barring bisexuals who deal with the same sexual issues we do with women, women LIKE gay guys they don’t FUCK them for obvious reasons.
This leads us to the next one
“We want what runs from us”
“We want what we can’t have”
“Women like a guy who doesn’t pay any attention to them”
Mentally warped people with self-esteem issues may think like this. “I wouldn’t be a part of any club that would have me” type of thinking is all this is. The rest of the 99% of human beings like a good thing to come along.
This conditioning turns in to a perception sometimes. EVEN worse. You just talk to a woman you sexually desire but don’t show any desire, she in turn responds well. You maybe even try to act disinterested. “Alright she is liking me” you think. You then later on make an advance, and get “we should just be friends” or “I have to get up early”. Also known as letting you down easy.
She wasn’t attracted to your non-sexual act. She was just being polite to someone who she was introduced to or talked to her. People do that sometimes, just sometimes, with interesting people or nice people. End game comes, closing time, time for the mamba wamba. Suddenly you have broken this precedent in attempting sex/kiss/intimacy.
Drag it on with getting her phone number, meeting her, taking her out on a date later, drag it on long as you like, but if she doesn’t see you as a sexual being, an attractive sexual partner, closing time comes, then it’s all been just a big waste of time.
You’ve done that. Seen that. Heard of actions like this and they worked? Well it could have worked quicker with the same couple because they were so physically hot for each other, it could have worked out a number of ways. Only in cases of extreme attraction does this work. We aren’t in the business of getting lucky here folks; we are going to drive home the right way.
Never hide your sexual desires to be “liked”. Never pretend “oh I’m not interested in you” to get past her conditioning against sex. This will not only backfire it will waste your time.
“Women say the first thing they want is a sense of humor”
“Chicks dig my sense of humor”
“Damn John gets laid a lot, must be cause he keeps the chicks laughing”
A commonly observed scenario: a woman laughs at guy’s jokes, and then ends up having sex with him later on. Predictably, every guy there who sees it says, “She must like a guy with a sense of humor”, and proceed to go out and ENTERTAIN, rather than attract women, in hopes that she will like them SOOO much she will jump his bones right there. This is not going to happen unless she is VERY attracted to him in another way. We want to work with what looks we have and move them in the right directions for sex better than other guys, not create a non sexual rapport with jokes and funny stories.
See there are a thousand ways to get rapport with women and then have sex with them if they are attracted to your looks, money or status already in the first place. IF ALL you have is that rapport that you have you built, it’s only that she “likes you” or rapport it does not mean you have attracted her enough for sex to go down.
When a woman is asked, “what do you like in a guy?” she doesn’t usually say “LOOKS and GOOD SEX” or else be branded a slut, as above was mentioned she wouldn’t say that. SO, she grumbles the stock answer “a guy with a sense of humor”. Which is true at least, she does LIKE a sense of humor.
She LIKES those funny men; she doesn’t HAVE SEX WITH those funny men unless they happen to be attractive as well as funny.
By the way, when a woman says “confidence” that’s as close to saying ” a guy who knows I want to have sex and creates the opportunity for it aggressively” as women usually get. More on confidence later.
A sense of humor isn’t a bad thing, but it’s not sexually motivating or progressive. Stand up comedians are often natural entertainers because they have learned that their poor looks can be accepted that way. In the same way the guys with conditioning type four do. Check stand or bar stool comedians are the same entity with less talent. At the end of the night they go home and fuck the sleeve of their favorite jacket rather than a woman. Again some people say, “nice guy’s finish last”, because they see the funny entertainer go home alone. These conditionings are all linked in a real bad way.
” A guys got to be unique for women to like him”Again it doesn’t hurt to be unique, but there’s that LIKE word again. Women do not say to themselves “WOW this 450lb fat guy with greasy hair and pimples just landed on a space ship and can levitate, I want to fuck him”. A LOT of guys spend all their time trying to be so different they forget to just be a natural masculine sexual man.
Ask any woman and if she answers honestly she has in fact had sex with guys she found not only boring but probably didn’t even really “like”. They had no redeeming value other than the fact they were attractive to her, made themselves available to her or happened to be available and didn’t wait for her to make the moves or also known as they tried to fuck her.
” I should be getting laid””I’m a loser cause I can’t get hot chicks””People must think I’m lame cause I haven’t been laid in so long”” I think she’s hot but she doesn’t make anyone envy me”
Your sex drive is YOUR sex drive. YOUR satisfaction is what counts. If you don’t have actual desire for sex, you shouldn’t be trying to get laid for other people to look upon you better. DROP THE EGO.
I’m not telling you to go fuck fat chicks here or bag ladies or something nasty.
But if you would really like to be having sex with her, GREAT, DO IT. What the friends of 99.5% of the people reading this material right now, don’t know could fill a library, plus some. Concerns like “man you’ve been doing 10 times as much heroin since you met her” are worth listening to. Concerns like “dude your girls nasty” should not be. It’s entirely your prerogative. Anyhow people will deny your success to feel better about themselves and say your chick isn’t hot and that their chicks are, so don’t bother listening to it.
Thinking you should be a ladies man, or that you should be getting at least one chick a month in bed, thinking you should have a girlfriend, thinking anything about your sex life and who it makes you as a person is worthless. YOUR desires are all you should care about.
This may sound simple and a waste of time to say. But MANY guys I’ve met are fueled by this ego of a “what do people think of me” kind. What I mean is they heard I was some sort of Casanova and tried to meet me, asked me out to a bar etc. Most of these were guys who just wanted a girlfriend, maybe wanted to be able to get laid once in a while, but they came out guns blazing, “I want to lay a new chick every week” they would say, when only maybe 1 in 200 guys have that kind of a genuine sexual drive. Even then, once he does it for a couple months it gets old, the excitement wears off and more time needs to be taken in between. These giant figures are all just his ego talking, not his true desire.
Really analyze yourself, what do you really want? That’s all that matters.
“A guys got to have a lot of money to spend on women”
“Women need a lot of wooing to get them in bed”
Again utter bullshit. I don’t buy women fancy dinners. I don’t buy women flowers. I don’t buy women little drinks with umbrellas in them. I don’t offer to buy women cars, I wouldn’t even if I could afford to. I know they love sex and that’s what they really want, I don’t need to qualify their sex being shared with me with gifts or luxury.
The guy from my example above for instance. LOVED to send girls drinks with his number in a napkin wrapped around it. You know how many called him ever? NONE.
The same guy, when we finally did get him approaching women. would start out with how wonderful and beautiful she was. I don’t use this guy in so many examples because he is the worst I ever met, but because he was so common to the rest of the men I’ve trained.
Kissing ass or buying shit for women gets you “in” but not “IN” if you get my meaning. If you don’t, I of course mean that people love that shit, you could buy a straight as an arrow man a drink in a bar, he would LIKE you, but wouldn’t fuck you if you tried afterwards. You could tell same guy “you have a really great presence bro” he would again like that, you then tried to fuck him later in the night you would probably get a punch in the nose.
It goes for women as well. If the attraction isn’t there, and you do nothing to amplify any base small level of attraction, you have just wasted your money or compliments.
The bad thing is, it can even be counter productive. Meaning she may see you as only doing the thing you did because you aren’t adequate sexually, or as a man. Tell her she’s a stunning marvel of a woman or offer to buy her dinner in the restaurant you are eating in as your first line? You’ll probably get taken up on it; but she will wonder why you did something like this. Rather than presenting YOU to her, you have shown her that “indeed this drink with the umbrella in it is of higher value than me”.
Also just think if “Olga the terrible” asked you the same thing? You would say, “Hmmmm, am I going to sleep with her EVER, nope, better not take the free dinner”? BULLSHIT! Even if so, don’t count on every woman you encounters ethics being strong enough for her to not say “I just got to take advantage of this guy wanting me”.
“All the women I want don’t want me”
“Really good looking women are stuck up”
“The best lookers out there all have a man already’
LOOKS OBSESSION is what this is called. Guys are almost ALWAYS like this and it fucks them up big time.
Looks and attraction at a biological first sight level are in the eye of the beholder. 9 Times out of ten if you truly look at a woman and she is REALLY your exact type, “your 10”, she will see YOU ALSO as FAR more attractive than say your “6” would see you back.
If you don’t believe me go test it out for yourself, approach 10 women total. 5 should be very average to plain looking 5 should be your EXACT type. The results will shock you.
Barring men who could easily mistake their 10 for a transsexual with fake boobs a ton of makeup and long blonde wigs because society has deemed that “the 10”, something is in the biology that makes people match up with someone who really turns them on.
This makes us want to have more sex, which makes more babies and makes the race survive, pretty common sense I suppose. I suppose it makes sense if you don’t go by societies “the 10”, as your 10 out of ego, or think that the women you find most attractive must be the same ones ALL other men find most attractive so they will be in too much demand for you to get.
Watch TV with any other guy that doesn’t look much like you or come from the same gene pool and rate women 1-10. Some of your absolute 10s will be his 7s and vice versa.
Tastes vary, and a great way to get the women you TOTALLY want is to of course go for the women you totally want, it’s the only way really. Funny thing is they tend to reciprocate better than “easier average” women do, as there are no “average women” really, it’s all in the sexual genetic makeup/eye of the beholder.
I’ve known both types of guys that fuck this up. Those who are scared to approach the women they REALLY want because they assume ALL men want them so much they can’t compete, and also even worse the ego guys who feel if she isn’t acceptable to all other men she is “easy” or “average”.
Drop the ego, or putting on a pedestal of women you find to be of beauty, and go for what you really desire most in women’s looks instead. Those are just 9 of the most common conditionings there are. A “tour of fucked up”, if you prefer. If you didn’t see yours on the list, more are coming in later lessons so don’t worry.
This entire course from foundations to advanced is just conditioning that is faulty and correcting it. MANY men have great sex lives without advanced concepts of some sort. They are the “naturals” with the ladies, Natural itself indicates that something is unnatural about the rest of us, or that we “don’t get it” etc, which can be offensive a bit. ” I AM NO IDIOT, the problem MUST be more complex than this”, comes to mind.
The thing is, it’s rather simple, but also rather complex in that it’s been your whole life’s experiences shaping this line of thinking. Don’t feel bad about it. Don’t feel good about it either though. Just accept the mindsets and materials in this course. Take yourself out in the world with them and see there are far better ways to think, and provide you more pleasure than the reverse.
YOUR MISSION: Sit in peace and quiet for a while and write out your past interactions with women. Analyze what you can remember and see where the above conditionings may have affected you in some way. Write out maybe what you would have done different without those conditionings holding you back and a scenario of her responding more positive. I am serious do this.