So EVERY TIME that I’d get a #, I’d tell myself “OK, all I need is for this ONE chick to go OK, and I can KEEP her and MARRY her.. then I never have to go through this again..”.. My relationship management skills were always very strong in the past, because I’d read “The Rules”, and “The Art of Seduction”.. So I knew that if I could just get a decent chick, that I COULD keep her, since my past relationship had gone very well.
So I’d put SO MUCH VALUE on the outcome of a #, which always would turn out to be FLAKE.
DAMN, that shit sucked.. All that I could think of was how here I had this HUGE EMOTIONAL CONNECTION to whatever chick I’d #closed, and HOW could she not feel it too??? How the FUCK could this chick not even care enough about me to ever SEE me again??? What the fuck was wrong with ME??? I couldn’t even get a quality #close from a chick WORSE looking than me!!
Then I came to the REALIZATION. I realized that I am UGLY. NOT good looking. It all made perfect sense. See, in the past, I hadn’t DONE approaches. I could say shit like “any time that I wanted a chick, I could get her.. I just don’t want those slutty chicks that are always ‘hooking-up’…” So I could always RATIONALIZE that if I did approaches, OBVIOUSLY they’d go just like in the Hollywood movies, and I’d totally pick the chick up, since I’d only try to pick up a chick that was “worth my time”. But NOW, I’d actually DONE approaches, and they weren’t WORKING. Chicks who were UGLY didn’t want to go out with me, which was clear indication that I must be even UGLIER than the ugly chicks.
To add insult to injury, I started realizing that my HAIR is falling out. You can’t see it now whatsoever, unless you look really carefully under the right lighting. But YEP, it IS happening. It will be a few more years yet, but I WILL go bald. To THIS DAY, the FIRST thing that I do every morning when I wake up, is take a mirror up to my head and look in morbid fascination to see if my hair is falling out. It is a CONSTANT REMINDER that I am growing old, and that I WILL DIE some day. It is BEYOND my control.
So that raised the question: If I can’t meet girls NOW, what the FUCK am I going to do in a few years when my hair line is FALLEN OUT??????????? No, actually wait.. sorry, scratch that.. When my hair has MIGRATED to my BACK.
It’s a TOUGH to acknowledge that you’re not good-looking. Before you’d ever tried PU, you could rationalize it through your past GFs and shit like that. But now, it’s so IN YOUR FACE that you’re not desirable to women. To be honest, even after all the success I had in the past year, I’m STILL UTTERLY SHOCKED that HB9s are interested I me now. When I’m getting with a new chick, I’m thinking “WTF is this chick THINKING????? Is she RETARDED?????”